Either way, I'm sitting here, NOT people watching, but rather deeply studying my Bio book and trying to prep thoroughly for my test on Monday. It's a good, good time I'm not gonna lie. Just me, my books, my bag, my cell phone for occasional textual contact with the outer world, my bug (aka tiny laptop), and finally, my ipod. I'm listening to songs on shuffle, and an old CLASSIC, way back from my early teen years, comes on out of nowhere. The song "Beautiful" by one of my favorite Christian singers, Bethany Dillon. The song is seriously like 6 or 7 years old, and I haven't heard it in forever, but as I sat here, trying to study my book, I re-listened to the very familiar lyrics and they touched my heart in a place that hasn't been touched for a very long time.
"I was so unique, now I feel skin-deep.
Count on the make-up to cover it all.
Crying myself to sleep, cuz I cannot keep their attention.
Thought I could be strong, but it's killing me.
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life.
I wanna be beautiful,
make you stand in awe,
look inside my heart and be amazed.
I want to hear you say,
"who I am is quite enough."
I just wanna be worthy of love,
and beautiful.
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me.
Fighting to make the mirror happy.
Trying to find whatever is missing.
Won't You help me back to glory?
I wanna be beautiful,
make you stand in awe,
look inside my heart and be amazed.
I want to hear you say,
"Who I am is quite enough,"
I wanna be worthy of love,
and beautiful.
YOU make me beautiful
YOU make me stand in awe
YOU step inside my heart, and I am amazed!
I love to hear YOU say, who I am is quite enough.
YOU make me worthy of love, and beautiful.
YOU'VE made me worthy of love, and beautiful."
Ahh. As I typed out those lyrics just now, I re-listened to the song and it brought even more tears to my eyes.
This is my heart's song to God right now. For some reason in my life I'm hitting a phase I haven't hit in a long time. It's frustrating, it's confusing. I'm believing Satan's lies and it's breaking my heart. I'm longing for love, I'm longing for someone to whisper "who you are is quite enough..."
I'm trying to keep my head above water, trying to figure stuff out in my life.
I suppose it's a phase that everyone hits at one point or another.
But this song just met me right where I'm at, a place that's so very vulnerable and insecure. It's shed life on a hidden, tucked away part of my life. I realized that I'm trying to find my worth in something other than the very one who gave His life to give me worth.
I'm trying not to cry lol. I know that no matter what happens in my life, Jesus is the author and sustainer of my heart. I know that the Holy Spirit is nearer to me right now than the air I breather, and I know He hears my hearts' silent but desperate plea. I'm so grateful for how He works and always answers me. Even if it's in a song that is a classic favorite, that I haven't heard in forever. (God bless Bethany Dillon) :)
Regardless of what lies Satan's been whispering in my ear, I'm going to stand on the truth.
HE makes me beautiful.
HE makes me stand in awe.
HE stepped inside my heart and I am amazed.
I love to hear HIM say, "who I am is quite enough."
HE makes me worthy of love, and beautiful.
Praise Jesus:)
Anyways... thanks for letting me share my heart and God-moments in the midst of my studying. Back to the books....
"My flesh may fail, and my heart may grow weak, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 37:26
