There's a crisp chill in the air.... my stummy is still filled to the brim on Thanksgiving feasty food. All which was incredibly delicious btw...
The trees are naked and the promise of snow is hovering over the mountains.
But sometimes my heart isn't here. Today, it isn't.
Today I'm rewound in my thoughts to exactly 1 year ago.
- 1 year ago I was on a beautiful island. I had just said goodbye to my love who had surprised me by flying into Honolulu and spending Thanksgiving with me. (Best surprise of my life... besides the most recent one that happened on the summit of a 14er...)
- 1 year ago I was laying on the beach in Waikiki with my mom and sister... just having eaten a lot of sushi and
- 1 year ago I was surrounded by incredible people who were all excited to be heading off to their specific outreach countries.
- 1 year ago....
Thinking back on one year ago... at a time in my life that was so different than now... I can't help but think about one year from now.
- 1 year from now I will have been married for exactly 6 months to my best friend.
- 1 year from now I will either be in Georgia or Colorado... but this time just for a visit.
- 1 year from now I will have a completely different life from the one I have right now.
I'm a planner. I love calendars: schedules: organizations: dates.
I love knowing where I'll be and what I'll be doing.
Sometimes that desire to know though, comes back and bites me in the butt because honestly it's completely out of my control. My future, my dreams, all of it is out of my control and sometimes that scares me. And frustrates me.
I feel like I'm right in the middle of life... like, I'm exactly a year from where my life was completely different... and exactly a year until life will be completely different again //// stuck in the middle is what I feel like.
But I guess the good thing is that, God is in the middle. He meets me where I'm at. He meets me right when I feel like I'm stuck in a transition phase, with no plans, no knowledge of where/what I'll be doing with my life, no ideas. He meets me here. And comforts me and cradles me. And it's GOOD.
Satan loves to visit me at this time in my life. He loves to be my friend and whisper lies into my ear... he loves to catch me up in all my worries and fears. (P.S. That rhymed what what.)
I hate that. I hate that he catches me when I'm weak, and frustrated, and doubtful. He catches me when he knows he can get me good... but I don't want to live that life of fear and doubt anymore.
I want to stand on truth.
A year ago, I was surrounded by truth. That was my life, that was my love, and people in my life were all on board with me.
Here I am, a year later, in such a bizarre place to be and I'm scared. Worried. Doubtful. With no plans of where I'll be, what I'll be, and what my life will even look like.
But I'm choosing not to let satan win. He is the author of lies and confusion... he is the author of fear and regret. I don't want him to rule my heart or my mind.
Jesus is Lord of my life, and I'm setting my heart on Him. He's reliable and I'm going to lean on that with all my weight, all my heart, all my life.
