A Toast.

How to start this. 

My heart aches so incredibly badly at the recent tragedy. 

F16 pilot Capt Luc Gruenther's body was found today after having been missing since Monday, when his plane lost communication with the tower & went missing... the remains of the plane were eventually found in the Adriatic sea that Monday.

I heard about this and at first was so heartbroken for the family... then I read news that his body hadn't been found yet! His family released statements of how much of a survivor he was... how he loved the outdoors & was a rock climber & a certified scuba diver. It was for those reasons that his wife said she knew he was coming home.

Her confidence, and his experience, allowed me to hope.

I'm not sure why exactly, but I started to hope & I started to pray fervently & I started to spread the word for prayers to rise. I don't know why I so claimed this specific situation & made it my burden, but over the past couple of days it has literally consumed my thoughts... continually praying, PLEADING that he was alive! 

Maybe he was in the sea somewhere, floating on a piece of scrap metal, maybe unconscious. I pictured that in my mind & started PLEADING that God would keep him warm out there and give him strength to be found and fight for his life. I imagined maybe he was washed up on a random island... I prayed that God would help him find drinking water there and keep him warm and safe. 

I let my mind go to all these different scenarios because in my heart, Capt Luc Gruenther was still alive. He was a fighter, his parents & wife said so, and God, well, He's GOD and a God of miracles. He can and does sustain, He can and does hear the many prayers rising up on his behalf and He is so very mighty to save. 

So I pleaded with an expectancy of a MIRACULOUS rescue, one that united Air Force Pilot's & their families all across the globe & one where God was made as famous as He should be.

Hoping, hoping hoping. 

So when I got the news today, it felt like a a knife in my gut. It cut deep, and it hurt. The family released this statement & this is how I got the news: 

"It is with great sadness that we announce that the body Captain Lucas Gruenther was found in the Adriatic Sea this afternoon. A compassionate husband, a loving son, and a devoted brother; Luc leaves behind a family who loves him dearly and a legacy of achievement. We will never fully recover from our loss, but take heart in the knowledge that during his all-too-short time in this world, he made a significant difference in the lives of all whom he met." 

Gosh reading over that again makes me cry. 

I sped home, luckily getting off work early, praying through sobs for Cassy Gruenther. I came home to my empty house and wept. My heart aches SO BADLY for this woman, for his family & for his baby that he never met... making her debut in 2-3 weeks. 

Again, I'm not sure why this cuts so deep for me... maybe because it hits so close to home? 

Maybe because I hoped, EVERYONE hoped for his safe rescue? 

Maybe because I pictured him, in my head, standing there next to his wife for the delivery of their first child in 2-3 weeks?

Maybe because I could so identify with his bio... a DG Academy grad in 2003... IP at Sheppard... got stationed in Aviano... and I could just picture in my head, all those amazing life events that they experienced, some of which Bill & I have experienced.... the JOY of graduating the Academy with a pilot slot, the JOY of getting F16's at drop night, the JOY of getting stationed at Aviano!! And ultimately... the JOY of announcing the life-change to top them all, the upcoming birth of their daughter?

Maybe because I'm sure, that day he left, was just like any other day that even I've experienced? A night training exercise with other pilots... just like the ones he's done SO MANY TIMES before? None of this deployment or combat zone or any of that... it was just a daily exercise?

Maybe because I can't imagine burying my husband & giving birth to my firstborn in the same week?

Maybe because I know SO MANY PEOPLE in the pilot community, fighters as well as others, & the thought of any of their wives aka my friends going through this same thing just kills me?

Maybe because my husband is, right now, gone on a mission & all I want to do is be with him?

Maybe because I try to put myself in her shoes?

And maybe I shouldn't put myself in her shoes. 

Or, maybe I should? 

Maybe I SHOULD realize the possible realities of having a husband who's a pilot.

Maybe I SHOULD truly grasp that life is fleeting.

Maybe I SHOULD empathize with my fellow military spouse - shed tears for her, offer prayers for her, feel her pain, imagine her loss & not let it happen to her without it affecting me. 

Maybe I SHOULD feel and honor the sacrifice that this woman has made by choosing this military life, having to bury her husband & give birth to her firstborn daughter in the span of a few weeks... a sacrifice I'm sure so many others have made before & unfortunately will make again.

Maybe I SHOULD fight to treasure every moment I have with Billy, making our times together - which will be fewer than most as the year rolls on - as special as they can be regardless of what may come. 

Maybe I SHOULD allow her loss, his sacrifice to cause a perspective shift by which I filter everything through, the good and bad times.

Maybe I SHOULD allow this event to cause me to hug my husband a little tighter & a little longer when he gets home from his mission in a few days. 

I'm scrolling through Facebook, seeing the many MANY posts from my fellow AF wife friends/Academy grad friends all raising a toast to the loss of their fellow pilot... knowing and appreciating the fact that, like me, they can truly, in a way, understand the WEIGHT of this loss. 

It hurts so bad. And I can't even imagine how much more it hurts for Cassy. 

For his parents, who had so much pride in their fighter pilot son. 

For his friends who were flying with him at the time of the event, who all hoped for his return. 

I guess it goes without saying that, I am truly, deeply, emotionally & wholeheartedly praying for Cassy and for his family. The verse that came to mind through this whole thing was from Matthew 5, it says "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." 

May Cassy feel the overwhelming comfort and peace that only Christ can offer during this time of mourning. 

May Jesus be with the tiny baby that He's been creating in her womb, comforting that little baby girl and drawing her to Him even now.

May Jesus be glorified through this tragedy, somehow, as He is
- regardless of any and all tragedy -
a GOOD King.
An unshakable rock.
The chief cornerstone, the immovable foundation. 
The magnificent comforter.
The healer of hearts who always holds it all together. 
The peace that the world can't offer.

Praying for them & praying for every other Air Force pilot that I'm blessed to know. 

So many of which are such awesome, fun, fantastic friends.

May God continue to keep you all safe... and may God continue to keep your wives at home with the proper perspective... a perspective that cherishes you & trusts in Jesus. 

A toast to Captain Gruenther, an amazing person who sacrificed a lifetime with his daughter & wife in service to his country.