:::The 3 Year Marriage:::

t h r e e y e a r s. 

This picture makes me smile more today than it ever has before. 

There we were: 

2 (somewhat still very childlike) brand new 21 & 22 year olds.

 making an incredibly permanent COVENANT 

in the presence of an almighty, all-powerful, God. 

Who, in fact, takes this covenant VERY seriously.

That's heavy. 

And that's powerful. 

Hello marriage. 

Two young lovers who didn't really truly comprehend that:

the Creator God they were singing to on their wedding day would truly be the SOLE sustainer, provider, counselor for their entire marriage.

This almighty God who planned this love story would be forever the One to protect it. 

I'm grateful that even in THIS moment.... caught up in love, caught up in joy, caught up in the excitement of finally out living what took months of planning.... THIS moment.... I'm grateful that we really didn't TRULY understand what we were getting ourselves into, and yet...

the God who ordains our every step, who knew I would be Mrs. Billy Stainback as He was weaving me together in my mother's womb.... THAT God.... was still so PRESENT on this day, and still blessed this covenant and knew EXACTLY what He was doing, even though we really didn't know exactly what WE were doing! :)

I love that! 

He sees, He knows, He REDEEMS before we even BEGIN this journey of a broken, beautiful marriage!

AND He has, since, given us grace upon grace upon grace! 

Grace to love, grace to forgive, grace to ASK for forgiveness, grace to believe the best. 

And grace for the real life stuff.

Grace to do the dishes when you don't want to. 

Grace to run a last minute errand when your spouse asks you to. 

Grace to change flat tires & renew car registrations that should've been done a long time ago...

Grace to PURSUE A HEART that tries to push you away. 

Grace to fold laundry that never freaking ends. 

Grace to agree on a movie to watch.

Grace to have patience even though it's the FIFTH time that they've....

Grace to come home to a dirty house & a wife who's done nothing all day & is now, taking a nap. (guilty.)

Grace to choose to LOVE rather than choosing to BE RIGHT. 

Grace to re-learn how to properly spend money.

Grace to accept that he's leaving on another trip, again. 

Grace to be a respectful wife & ask for forgiveness when you fail at that. 

Grace to learn, and be willing, to CHANGE.

Grace to literally try to put your spouse's needs above your own needs/desires/emotions. (< we've totally mastered that one, no doubt). ;) 

Grace to transition from an "I" to a "WE!"

Grace to love each other more today than we did 3 years ago when we began. 

I look at this picture above & I'm in awe of the fact that, the innocence of the trials of marriage that were unknown on THIS day... doesn't come close in comparison to the rich, real, EXPERIENCE of marriage that we now know three years later.

Three years later & I can honestly say I really, REALLY love my husband more today than I ever did EVER BEFORE. All cliche, cute, lovey-dovey-ness aside. I'm not talking about the dating, falling-in-love-hard kind of love. I'm talking about, I LOVE HIM MORE TODAY THAN EVER BEFORE in the amazed, in awe, so confident, grateful, attracted to because of his heart, respect the man that he is kinda love. 

A "roots forever entertwined" kind of love. :) 

I love that, three years later, I HATE when he has to leave on a trip & get butterflies when he comes home. 

I love that, three years later, I know him & his heart & his emotions so well... and he's still learning mine. ;) 

I love that, three years later, I can honestly say we've lived through some serious GUNK & endured some serious PAIN & I respect him more for the way he's treated me through those seasons. 

I love that, three years later, he's definitely by now seen EVERY ugly part of me & still really, deep down, loves me. 

I love that, three years later, he flirts with me all the time & makes me laugh. 

I love that, three years later, I can honestly say he's my best friend & I'd rather be hanging out with him any/every night than anyone else on the entire planet. 

I LOVE THAT! 

Anyone who knows any part of our story/testimony knows that, for this to be true of us, is pretty rich. 

Our first 6 months of marriage were ridiculously terrible. 

And the years since then have been far from perfect. 

And even today, in fact, he made me a little crazy. 

And yesterday, I made HIM a little crazy.

And to be considered a "perfect couple" is the stupidest thing anyone can suggest. 

Which is why the picture above makes me smile so freaking big. 

The only thing perfect about us is the symbol of the SAVIOR between us who keeps HOLDING US ALL TOGETHER FOREVER & EVER!

I love that HE is our perfection. 

I love that, in our weakness, in our ugly, HE is made perfect. 

I love that, in our mess-ups, in our hard phases, in our fights, in our selfishness, HE redeems, HE makes us whole! And HE keeps love ENDURING!

I LOVE THAT!

When two, young, love-struck kids fall in love & decide to get married, they think they know it all. 

THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT. 

THEIR LOVE IS STRONG ENOUGH TO ENDURE WHATEVER COMES. 

And life hits you & suddenly you have two weeks before you get paid again with only $20 in your account & you're a newlywed who's convinced that your husband doesn't think you're pretty anymore & he's 30 minutes late from work AGAIN when he SAID he'd be on time & the dinner you were excited about making him is burnt to a crisp & for some reason you're SO PATHETIC THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE SPAGHETTI RIGHT so naturally you throw the whole pot of spaghetti away in a rage because you feel stupid & embarrassed & like you're the worst wife on earth!! 

:) 

That can, to some extent, sum up our first few months of marriage (from my perspective) & the reason the picture above makes me so happy is because of grace. 

GRACE. 

Jesus Christ, who died on the Cross for our sins, who had a FRONT ROW SEAT on our wedding day and SAW all the insecurity/financialtrouble/kitchentrouble/uglyfights/spaghettiefiasco's that was awaiting us in those first few months of marriage... HE ALSO KNEW that there we would be a TODAY... a marriage three years later. 

And TODAY: 

We have 2 military moves under our belts. 

We've moved, just the TWO of us, to two brand new states that neither of us have lived in & learned to live. Only being able to depend on each other at first. Which is awesome/crazy. 

We know how to handle conflict with each other in a MUCH healthier way.

We have ONE DEPLOYMENT under our belts!!! (< big accomplishment for me, as this was always a wary fear of mine.)

We have learned to play off each other's strengths & weaknesses in a really cool way. 

We've endured a whole year & a half of some intense pilot training... walking through all the tough times that come with that.

We have seen each other grow in the Lord, through community, in AWESOME ways. 

We've learned so much from each other, even random cool things.. 

We continue to get closer to each other's families, which is one of my favorite things.

We really KNOW how the other person is going to react to a certain situation.

He still pursues my heart, even when I don't want him to (which, let's be honest women, is the time that I secretly really DO want him to. Stupid girl stuff. lol).

We've truly become best friends. Seriously. With all sexual stuff/lovey-dovey/mushy stuff aside.... we just love being in the same ROOM as each other & making each other laugh. As best friends. Really. It's rich. 

And It's perhaps one of my favorite things about a marriage of three years. 

I'm writing this list & get emotional thinking about it all. 

Billy & I have lived some serious life so far. 

Gosh. I love that man. 

AND TODAY. 

Like in that picture three years ago. 

Christ is with us. 

STILL!!!

He has been since that day & He always will be.

He sustains. 

He loves. 

He gives grace upon grace. 

He has taught me more about myself in the last three years than I EVER would've learned without my Billy by my side. 

He's protected our love & continues to COMPEL us to LOVE each other. Which is huge.

Love is NOT something that simply stays with you forever. 

It's something you have to fight for. 

Marriage is a perfect arena for deceived people to call it quits, because marriage gets hard. 

But if you call it quits, you might miss out on the THREE YEAR MARRIAGE!!! 

Marriage at ONE YEAR isn't anywhere CLOSE to a marriage at THREE YEARS!! 

And, I'm sure, that the marriage at THREE YEARS won't be as rich as the marriage at FIVE YEARS! or TEN YEARS! 

Such beauty. Such legacy. 

God's ideas are the best ideas. 

They may not be the easiest, or most convenient. 

But, they really are the best. They really do offer rich rewards. 

I know we're only 3 years into this, and I'm sure many of our toughest challenges & most life-changing events are still several years down the road... (*coughkidscough*).

I'm not ignorant to the fact that we've mastered everything to know about marriage & from here on out we are living in the honeymoon phase. 

I am just able to truly realize that: 

the life, and love and forgiveness and reality that happens AFTER the honeymoon phase is where the beauty is. 

So if you're married... & things are going hard.... DON'T QUIT. 

If you quit, you miss out on the beauty found in the THREE YEAR MARRIAGE. 

Or the TEN YEAR MARRIAGE. 

And just to clarify, I don't think that time or year count has anything really to do with it.... 

because I'm sure there are several 20+ year marriages that are A W F U L. 

Which makes me sad. 

But I also happen to know that there are 20+ year marriages that are INCREDIBLE. 

And I guarantee those INCREDIBLE, LONG marriages had seasons in those 20 years where one/both spouses may have wanted to quit. 

And what if they had? 

What if we had? 

We'd be missing out. 

And the reason we'd be missing out is... because Christ, who has been the Guest of Honor since the beginning, has given us grace upon grace. 

To change. 

To lay down pride & selfishness. 

To grow. 

To love. 

To ask for forgiveness. 

To forgive. 

Over & over & over. 

Kinda like what Jesus does for us. 

If you have THAT kind of influence in your life; the kind of influence that causes you to want to become MORE LIKE JESUS in the way you love your spouse & live your life.... the hard seasons will pass. 

The exposed ugliness can be covered & cleaned. 

The mean words can be forgiven. 

The pain can be mended. 

The mistakes can be redeemed. 

And what was once "one year of 'hell" can become "THREE YEARS OF GRACE" 

and the beauty found after the honeymoon phase is better than the butterflies found in the twitter-pated phase. 

And suddenly, you realize that life without your spouse, your best friend, your partner in crime, your confidante, the person who truly has your heart....

is no life at all. 

So here's to three years. 

Cheers to three years! 

Cheers to the ugly, the beautiful, the fun times, the sad times, the hard times. The grace.

The friendship!!!! 

The love. Oh the love. :) 

I love you forever my Billy. 

Grateful to be yours, grateful that you chose me back in the day... five years ago... 

around this time:

(this is the first ever picture we took together. May 22, 2008) :) 

and SO BLESSED to know that, even though you know me so much better & have seen so much ugly in me SINCE then..... I know you'd still choose me to be yours again TODAY.

So that we could keep doing stuff we love to do..... like this:

(This is the most recent picture we've taken together. Taken today at lunch. 

Our first date 5 years ago was at Chick-fil-a on May 14, 2008. Some things never change.) :) 

And of course, I have to end with my favorite quote about love. 

Becomes more true with each passing year. 

I am a grateful woman!

"Love is a temporary madness.

It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.

And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. 

That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. 

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. 

Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." 

-St. Augustine

I LOVE YOU BABY!!!

With the fire of a thousand suns.

And I promise I will love you forever.

Three years down.... God-willing, 100 to go. :)

"We Hate Christians."

Wow. Already May 1st which means SOOOOOOO close to seeing my love. I could burst. 

Whoever told me that the last two weeks of deployment were the hardest couldn't have been more correct. I'm about ready for these shenans to be over and to not have an empty house 24/7. But soon, my friends, so soon. Praise Jesus. 

The deployment has been honestly, surprisingly awesome so far. God's been up to some pretty great stuff. Being around family has helped quite a bit & Bill has been able to get mentored by a rando Chaplain out in the desert, God's been doing some awesome stuff in his heart as well in these meetings with the great Chaplain & it's cool to hear about it from afar. 

SPEAKING of Chaplains. 

Apparently a lot of things are beginning to change in this wonderful world that I love called the military. 

An article has been floating around today that's caught my eye... with the title: 

"Breaking: Pentagon confirms May Court Martial Soldiers Who Share Christian Faith." 

uhhhhh. Ok. So what does that mean? 

You can read the article here for yourself, but essentially here's what I got from it: 

- Someone, I believed named "Weinstein" or something like that, literally STRONGLY DISLIKES (aka hates) Christians.

- Weinstein, who has influence in the military as being the head of the "Military Religious FREEDOM Foundation." (ya that's right.) considers Christians to be "monsters" and "enemies of the constitution." 

- Chaplains who share their faith... either from the pulpit, a counseling session, or even from a friend-to-friend scenario, are committing "treason" and "spiritual rape." Hm. 

- Christians in the military (and even the normal civilian ones) are kind of sort of freeeeaaakkking out about it. 

(Did I read it wrong, or was I spot on? This question is genuine & far from sarcastic, really.)

So far, I've gotten to read some amusing comments on the article feed that include but are not limited to: 

"Good news, they are letting the gays in now, so you can finally join." (< hateful attempt at being a smart-arse.)

"More room in the closet... looks like that's where the Christians will have to go!" (< well, funny guy.)

"Good reason for people of FAITH not to serve." (< ignorant.)

"Ain't ever gonna happen bloodlessly. Jefferson said freedom must occasionally be cleansed with the blood of patriots. We are not going to get our rights restored any other way." ( < whoa. Chill.) 

"Obama is not a good politician. The worst president in history. He makes Carter look good." ( < repub.)

In response to the ^ republican: "What about Nixon? Try educating yourself." ( < great point.)

And my personal favorite comeback: 

"EDUCATE YOURSELF? I think that's the trash calling the can stinky." ( < winner winner.)

~~~~~~

SO. Stuff is passing, laws are changing. 

People are sharing their opinions (which are ALWAYS the right one.) 

I'm on my way home today thinking about all of this crap, getting riled up & probably slightly deep down a teeny-weeny little bit scared. 

I'm seeing people post stuff about this, "rallying the Christian troops" to stand up and FIGHT! DO SOMETHING! DON'T JUST ROLL OVER AND LET THE CHRISTIAN-HATERS WIN!!!!

I decided I was going to join in on this rally, because I (most days) love the influence of social media.... so there I was, driving home & mentally preparing the words that I was going to put in my status so that I, too could spread the article to raise awareness of the INJUSTICE and the HYPOCRISY and the DISCRIMINATION against us poor little Christians. 

So I ask God aloud in my car.... 

"WELL?? So what now? What do we do? God, how do we "FIGHT?"

Honest question I suppose. 

The mix of Christianity into governmental issues has been on my mind quite a lot recently. 

It's all part of my testimony which I'm planning on sharing in an upcoming post, but the gist of where I've been at is: WHAT, HOW, WHEN are Christians supposed to ACTUPON/VOTEFOR/STANDFOR/STANDAGAINST & HOW does that play into society/politics/social CHANGES today? 

I thought about it with the recent supreme court ruling marriage equality gig that exploded on social media... (I hope a lot of people reading this post still have red equal signs profile pix, to be honest...) and I thought about this again today. 

In His AMAZING GRACE, God was able to save a wretch like me from myself.

Don't get me wrong, on paper & especially according to church people I was as good as they come. 

BUT thankfully, God opened my eyes (due to the recent political shenans of the last election & then some) in a different way & I'm now, for once, trying my best to see things a little more His way (which is a way I get from actually READING my Bible, and not just digesting & regurgitating "Christianeze" that I've grown up believing.) Still SUCH a pitiful work in progress... but there's progress!
But that's for another post...

I digress. 

So we're here. 

And the world hates us. 

And the government says we can't share our faith. 

And some people are cheering & some people are throwing a fit. 

And it is very possible that some crazy crap can happen down the road that involves Chaplain's being "caught" sharing their faith and being court-marshaled for committing treason. 

And that is a little bit scary to think about. 

So again, I ask God, and YOU (whoever you are, reading this.) 

HOW DO WE FIGHT??? 

What does that even look like? 

Well the first thought that popped into my head while I was trying to think of a clever, inspiring, Christian-rallying status that I was going to post to facebook when I got home was... 

"Hey Jo, how about you pray about it instead of post about it?" 

...

Yeeeeeah. 

Wanna know what that was? That was a mini Holy Spirit slap in the face. 

I mean, I'm sure He doesn't do that, but if He did, I think I caught a glimpse of what that felt like.

(and it was not awesome.) 

"Fine God." 

(I kinda got all smart-alikey cuz He just hurt my pride a little bit.) 

"This is me praying. And I'll ask You again. HOW DO WE FIGHT???" 

Here are the verses that immediately popped into my little brain: 

Ephesians 6:12 - "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil-rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." 

&

Matthew 6:33 - "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." 

Then, another thought popped into my mind. 

I'm not sure where I read/heard it, but I remember it being very convicting to my Christian-republican-wannatakeAmericabackforJesus little self. 

This comment was in regards to the past election, where Christians/military members were freaking out at the thought of Obama winning another election: 

"4 years of an Presidential campaign cannot unravel the eternal work of Jesus and His Kingdom." 

Yes. Great reminder at this moment. 

Thought Process Continues: 

Well, how did Jesus fight? (Other than with probably a trillion billion million angels destroying the works of the devil.) 

- The only picture I got was praying. Praying.  

Hm. Ok, moving on... continuing thought process.

Now, a little disclaimer, I'm way past the "take America back for Christ" Christian mentality quite a bit - I'm honestly not completely sure yet where I stand as far as certain issues & how my personal beliefs can mesh into politics in a Jesus way. 

(Don't freak out. Let God do His work & trust that He's got me!!) 

That being said, my next thought wasn't so much with the "take America back for Christ" process, but more just, in my opinion, common-sensey. I thought: 

"But God! It ISN'T FAIR. It's NOT FAIR for them to put these limitations on us. 

It's NOT FAIR for Christian-haters to scream "TOLERANCE" down our throats and then in the same breathe say "FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOU!" 

It's a hypocritical double standard and.... wait a second... isn't that the EXACT thing that Christian-haters HATE about Christians? That we're a bunch of hypocrites with double-standards??" 

So, God prompted me to think about what happened in Jesus' life that wasn't "FAIR." 

Welp. Didn't take long for that one to come up. 

Jesus was CRUCIFIED because He CLAIMED to be THE SON OF GOD. 

That, seems a little unfair to me. 

I mean, do we really think He was the FIRST person in the history of the world to claim to be the son of God?

Since when is the standard of "claiming to be the Son of God" earn you a crucified spot on a cross? 

A slap on the wrist, a head-shake, maybe. 

But a crucifixion? A bloody, brutal, painful, devastating and humiliating crucifixion?

That wasn't fair. That REALLY wasn't fair.

Now, I know this comparison is a bit of a stretch. 

Jesus didn't live in a time of history that proclaimed "FREEDOM" from the rooftops.

And yet, the funny thing is, He didn't need to... because HIS LIFE PROCLAIMS FREEDOM. 

(proclaims, as in PRESENT tense, not past.)

Jesus doesn't need a government to determine the standard FREEDOM that we can live in!

Wow. 

So, as hard as it is to see our perfect little Christian right's crumble to the ground, I guess for me it is to be expected. 

And I think, based on the thought process of today's events, that it's REALLY going to be OK.

I think, the resounding response I got from the questions I asked God today was:

 "SEEK. FIRST. HIS. KINGDOM." 

and WHY should we do that FIRST? 

Because: HE. GIVES. YOU. EVERYTHING. YOU. NEED. (Matthew 6:33). 

Haters-hate. 

And for the first time in a quite a while, a "hater" with a LOT of influence has the microphone & we're all left a little bit intimidated & shocked by his claims & suggestions. 

But I guess, it'll be ok. 

"One law change can NOT & will NOT unravel the work of Jesus & the advancement of His Kingdom." 

Stand on it. Believe it. 

Now, I do sympathize. Because:

- Yes, it's not fair. 

- Yes, it's going to be uncomfortable (but really, only uncomfortable to the Christians who are vocal, bold and outspoken about Jesus in their life... I'm pretty sure the rest of us American Christians will be just fine in light of this law change, TBH. Ouch.) 

- Yes, things will probably change & the change will not be in "our favor." 

- Yes, a lot of unjust, hypocritical things will take place and the word "tolerance" will conveniently be forgotten.

HOWEVER. 

Those aren't the only things we have to say "yes" to. 

Thanks to what Jesus did on the Cross, we have a few more things to say "YES!" to: 

- YES, Jesus is the ONLY way, truth and life. 

- YES, HE is the GOOD shepherd and we LACK NOTHING.

-YES, Jesus gives us EVERYTHING WE NEED FOR LIFE. 

- YES, one day EVERY KNEE WILL BOW and every single tongue will CONFESS that Jesus Christ is LORD!

- YES, God is currently in the process of building a church AND THE GATES OF HELL WILL NOT PREVAIL AGAINST IT! (please cheer for that one.)

- YES, without love, we are NO-THING. NOTHING. but an annoying loud clanging cymbal. 

- YES, the way to "fight against this age" involves a BELT of truth, a BREASTPLATE of righteousness, the gospel of PEACE, the SHIELD of faith, HELMET of salvation, SWORD of the Spirit, which is the word of God!

And oh my word.... I just read the remainder of that above Ephesians 6 "armor of God" reference again... and do YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT SAYS??

(Verse 18) - praying at all times in the Spirit, with ALL prayer & supplication. To that end, keep alert with ALL PERSEVERANCE, making supplication for ALL the saints... 

And then, (Verse 19), Paul asks.... "pray also for me, that WORDS MAY BE GIVEN TO ME IN OPENING MY MOUTH BOLDLY TO PROCLAIM THE MYSTERY OF THE GOSPEL... for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak." 

I'm sorry, but isn't this what we were JUST TALKING ABOUT?? :) I love God! 

So yes. 

I hope this is at least a little bit encouraging & far from condescending. 

My conclusion I came to today: 

1) Seek His Kingdom. 

2) Fight by PRAYING. 

And, I hope that that fun little lesson that the Holy Spirit so gently taught me today speaks to you too...

 instead of posting about it, PRAY. 

Not to say don't post anything ever, I mean, I think a petition is going around to combat the changes Mr. Weinstein is trying to implement & I'm sure I will sign it, HOWEVER, don't get rattled. 

Don't get scared. 

And DON'T LET a post replace a prayer. 

He is so worthy. 

Love you all.