Today I had the joy of flipping through hundreds of Powerpoint slides for over 33 songs in preparation of our Women's Conference this weekend.
(say hello to the behind-the-scenes glamour of leading women in worship!)
(say hello to the behind-the-scenes glamour of leading women in worship!)
I say joy sarcastically, but only HALF sarcastically. Here's why.
For starters, this month has been so very intense.
Full of joy, frustration, exhaustion, light, peace, and stress.
But if I'm being honest, the only word out of the above words to summarize the majority of January has been: Stress.
And where does stress usually lead for me? Sickness.
Sickness feeds stress, stress feeds sickness, it's a vicious cycle that I'm certain God intends to stop.
So when I lose my voice for over a week, and I'm an emotional little tornado.... the only FRUIT of my life typically has nothing to do with what the Spirit lends.
MEANING:
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and goodness are the furthest things from anything I have to offer this week.
(Jocelyn in January = majorly bad fruit. Sorry Bill.)
So I'm stressed and sick and in shame all of this culminates and leads to the sarcastic part of the "joy" I found when I first started flipping through the Powerpoints.
I get about 50 or 60 slides in, when all of the sudden, Holy Spirit shows up.
"One Name holds weight above them all...
His fame outlasts the earth He formed..."
I read the slide, and He whispers back...
"Jocelyn wait... did you read that line?
ONE NAME holds weight above them all... every other one."
And the tears come.
And the epiphany hits me square in my stressed out little head.
And He continues to speak...
"His praise RESOUNDS BEYOND THE STARS
and ECHOES IN OUR HEARTS..."
People.
The reality of my situation is that I'm sitting here, going through page after page of Powerpoints...
that are TRUE.
Not only are they TRUE...
but the words that I'm reading and singing in my head are the absolute, RADICAL TRUTH and
MY ENTIRE LIFE DEPENDS ON THEM.
I can, just like most other Christians I assume, sing the majority of these worship songs in my sleep. I could probably sing these songs even if I was in a coma.
Seriously, these songs are EMBEDDED into my mind and sometimes the EMBEDDING leads to APATHY... looks like this:
Sometimes I let words like, "The GOD of ANGEL ARMIES, is ALWAYS BY MY SIDE" slip off my lips without ANY sort of acknowledgement of that REALITY from my HEART.
Sometimes I let words like, "You are God, You are God, of ALL ELSE I'M LETTING GO" become a cute little phrase that has NOTHING to do with renewing my devotion to the God of the ages.
Sometimes I let words like, "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, HOLY HOLY IS HE" come out of my mouth without EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING TREMBLING at the thought of HIS HOLINESS.
Sometimes I let words like, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" be spoken without FULLY, ACTUALLY COMMITTING my heart to be LEAD BY THE SPIRIT and be willing to GO TO THAT PLACE OF NO BORDERS.
Sometimes I let words like, "All these pieces, broken and shattered... in MERCY gathered, mended & whole" become a poetic line THAT DOESN'T CHANGE MY HEART TO WANT TO LOVE HIM MORE.
Sometimes I let words like, "This is amazing love... that you would TAKE MY PLACE" come out of my mouth WITHOUT REJOICING AT THE SHEER FACT THAT, MY DEBT IS PAID! HE TOOK MY PLACE! AMAZING LOVE, HOW CAN IT BE!
Sometimes I let words like, "ALL I have NEEDED, THY HAND has PROVIDED" rise from my lips without CLINGING to the UNFAILING PROVISION that HE IS.
Sometimes I let words like, "Lord I need You, Oh I need You, EVERY. HOUR. I NEED YOU" be lifted in song without THE REALITY OF THOSE WORDS, the fact that I utterly, DESPERATELY need Him for EVERY. SINGLE. HOUR, shake me to my core.
Sometimes I let words like, "What can wash away my sin? What can make me whole again? NOTHING but the blood of Jesus!" rise from the voices around me in song without having the UTMOST, THANKFUL heart to offer up to the ONLY ONE who can make me whole!
Sometimes I let words like, "My heart will sing no other name, Jesus!" become a sweet, somewhat romantic idea that SHOULD BE A PROMISE TO MY SAVIOR and not just a PLEASANT LYRIC!
"I WANT MORE of You God."
"Open up the heavens, we want to SEE YOU!"
"IN DEATH... I'm confident and covered..."
"I BELIEVE in the RESURRECTION!"
"Your LOVE, in wave after wave, CRASHES OVER ME!"
"A THOUSAND TIMES I'VE FAILED... yet your mercy remains!"
"There is POWER in the NAME of JESUS."
"Lord I'm ready now... All the walls are down."
"Seated on high, THE UNDEFEATED ONE!"
"SERVANT and KING... THIS is our GOD!"
I could go on and on.
And I'm sure you could to. :)
You guys, this isn't HYPE.
This isn't me trying to stir up some emotional tug on your heart.
God doesn't need our fake tears.
He doesn't delight showy, emotional messes with distant hearts.
Satan delights in all things fake, counterfeit, cheap... God came to redeem us from that!
So when we SING these words...
when we JOIN our hearts together in song..
We can leave the masks behind, we can leave the fake crap at the door.
We can APPROACH HIS THRONE with boldness.
We can allow these TRUTHS to so stir up our hearts to the point that, our response is...
We, as sisters, can't help BUT sing!
We can't help BUT raise our hands!
We can't help BUT bring everything to the altar and leave Him a sacrifice of praise!
{{ We BEHOLD HIS GLORY and are CHANGED BY IT }}
My prayer for this weekend is that, the TRUTH of these words we will sing together would absolutely wreck ANY and EVERY box you may have put God in.
My prayer is that truths wrapped up in these songs...... the ones we could sing in our sleep...... become the KEY that UNLOCKS the reality of who Holy Spirit is.
My prayer is that the reality about what are doing as a group of women together on Friday night will leave us RADICALLY DIFFERENT than anything we may have been striving to be before we worshiped almighty God together.
The truth is this:
We, together in unity, are singing to a GOD who is NOT made up... imagined... created... or mythical....
HE IS:
ALIVE!!
PEOPLE!!!
We aren't singing to a dead god -
We are singing to a LIVING GOD!
We aren't singing to a savior who died on the Cross -
We are singing to LIVING KING!
So what does this leave us? How should THIS change us?
How should this impact our time together as sisters at Conference?
Show up, READY TO WORSHIP THE KING!
Walk into the doors with a heart that's been adoring Jesus ALL DAY!
Sing these truths out loud, together WITH CONFIDENCE!
Enter into His presence WITH AN EXPECTANCY OF HIM TO COME AND DWELL AND DELIGHT IN OUR WORSHIP TO HIM!
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Let the truth of
WHO GOD IS
WHAT HE HAS DONE
WHERE HE IS TAKING US
AND
HOW MUCH HE LOVES US
be the SPRINGBOARD
to PROPEL us to worship Him with EVERYTHING WE HAVE!
Let's show up on Friday night and Saturday morning echoing the words of David, saying:
"LET MY WHOLE BEING
BLESS THE LORD!
LET EVERYTHING INSIDE ME
BLESS HIS HOLY NAME!"
Psalms 103:1
Why?
Because it's all true.
Because we've been REDEEMED.
Because we've been saved, from both the enemy and from OURSELVES.
Because we are FREE.
Because OUR DEBT IS PAID!
and most of all??
Because He. Is. Worthy.
Jesus.
The Name above ALL Names, the Lover of my soul, the Lion, the Lamb, the King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, the Holy One, the Son of Man, my Righteousness, my Redeemer, my Anchor, my hope...
Perfect Jesus
is. worthy.
He is worthy. He is worthy. He is worthy.
And the Lamb should receive the reward of His suffering.
And so we sing...
:)
Love you sisters!
Can't wait for Friday!
