::: It's Here.

I’ve been meaning to write now for some time and either feel too busy, too uninspired, too lazy or too “in survival mode” to have any original thoughts.

But the thing is… it’s here.

In one week we will be hopping on a plane and going 4,488 miles away. Over a country. Over a sea. To a tiny speck of land that’s smaller than the state of Rhode Island. A speck that holds beauty beyond compare and more adventure than we’ll probably be able to fully explore in our 3-4 year stint there (although we certainly intend to!) We fly fly fly fly away, and then step off a plane to a tropical paradise - BAM! We're home. 

It’s shocking. It’s surreal. It’s incredible. And it’s HERE.

And I don’t even know if I have, or can, fully process it yet.

How do you process a gift that feels heavy with the weight of all that it signifies we leave behind?

How do you process the closing of a wonderful chapter of life, and the brand new startling opening of another?

How do you process saying goodbye to people you’ve lived alongside, cried with, fought with, believed with, vacationed with, prayed with, hoped with and shared your table with for the last five years?

How do you process being an ocean away from family?

How do you process living on a teeny, tiny ISLAND of paradise and calling that place home?

I’ve felt so many things since receiving the big news on August 1^st. At that point in time, we were pretty down because our “dream assignment” that was given to us just two weeks prior, was suddenly taken away abruptly... *tear*... and we were back to square one of knowing we needed to go, but having NO idea where we were going.

We were sad because the picture-perfectness of our lives was falling into place just as we planned… close to the beach, close to family… and it was gone in a second.

Square one is tough to go back to. Yet, as we were sitting in the living room one day, trying to process the loss of our perfectly planned assignment, this song surprisingly came onto our TV youtube channel and before we knew it... it brought us both to sobs as we finally reached a point of surrender.

“So come and fill this room.

Anything apart from You

Let it fall away.

Let it fall away.

If it’s not what You wanna do.

Anything apart from You,

Let it fall away.

Let it fall away Jesus.”

I remember so clearly... in that time when I declared to Him: “If it’s not what you want to do… let it fall away…" in those moments, I felt the Lord asking if we were going to trust Him. I told Him I trusted Him. I told Him I believed His plan was better than ours.. even though if I'm completely honest, I couldn’t really fathom what else could come down the big Air Force machine that was better than what we had, and lost. :(

Then August 1^st came. And the ultimate dream assignment that we NEVER could have ever imagined was literally handed to us on a silver platter. My husband will be the first to tell you that he shouldn’t have even been considered. Not because he isn’t an awesome pilot, but because from what the job required, he was under-qualified in many ways. Pilots of his rank and his experience didn’t get assignments like this… it just doesn’t happen. But guys... it's almost like God didn't get the memo about who was qualified or not... :) His rules are different! (who knew?!)

It’s weird when you choose to trust God – like REALLY trust Him to have a better plan than yours – and He actually blows your mind and creates something amazing out of thin air. He proves your trust. He doesn’t have to, but He’s the perfect Father. And He does, again and again. 

It’s humbling and exhilarating to hope in a God who will NEVER fail you. Who sees the big picture, and beckons you to rest in the big picture He holds. That's truly, true beauty.

If you care to know the crazy details of how this fell into our lap I’d love to share them over coffee or a phone call one day… but all I can say, and the testimony I will always share, is that God literally paved the way for this to happen and LITERALLY had it set in motion probably for a year before we even got it.

And after the dust has settled and we've been able to step back and see the 20/20, I can only say that if there’s anything I’ve learned from all of the crazy details that only God could ordain… it’s this:

God wants the Stainbacks in Hawaii.

I don’t know why.

I couldn’t begin to imagine why.

But due to the miracles surrounding this landing in our lap to begin with, I am so HOPEFUL and EXPECTANT and EXCITED!!!!!

And I'd be lying if I said sometimes it’s hard not knowing why. My inner control-monster needs the plan, stat.

But yet in the silent organizing, He whispers.

And the only thing I keep hearing Him say to me, since that first day of August when we first heard about this new assignment, is this:

“I am drawing you away, to draw you near.”

What a promise! It brings me to tears.

He draws us away to draw us near.

If there is anything we left New Jersey with… besides friendships that will literally last a lifetime (thank You Jesus)... it’s a desire for MORE of God. 

The ALL of God. 

Even the fullness of God, (as if we could survive it!) 

We left NJ longing for a culture that believes what the Bible says, and encourages us to hunger for Him in an unquenchable way. And I feel like, from what little God has shared with me, that’s what He’s going to bring us as we immerse ourselves with His island bride.

“I am drawing you away to draw you near...”

That’s what I’m clinging to and that’s what I’m hoping in.

Because that’s what I need, and it’s a two-fold thing.

Fold 1: I know it’s a little strange (and I’m not asking for pity, haha) but in some ways finding out about Hawaii has been difficult. To be honest, I feel like I’m moving to another planet. We will be 4-5 hours behind our family and friends, and that time difference alone lends to me feeling very isolated. I feel FAR. FAR AWAY. And it’s weird to be so far, for what feels like so long. I feel like we’ll be very very disconnected from what’s going on with our family. We’ve always made an effort to come see our family for the big things… weddings, special events, surprise birthday parties, babies being born… and suddenly, our priority of using money, miles and vacation hours to visit family is completely shifting. We are FAR away. And going from seeing our family multiple times a year to once, maybe twice, is weird. It’s weird that we’ll most likely have children that our siblings won’t be able to meet easily, or timely. It’s just all so weird. And it’s different for us. And it’ll be an adjustment, for all parties involved I’m sure, and of course there is usually pain with adjustments but it’s the new reality we have to embrace. And we have to adjust in a land that produces a lifestyle of ALOHA ---- aka sloooooowwwwwwwwwing it all down. A different kind of lifestyle. (One far, far away). 

Fold 2: Since possibly even before having Jolie, I’ve felt a little on the numb side. I’m sure I’ve written about it before… and I know the transformation into mommy-hood has contributed to this… but I have felt for a while now like my spirit is asleep. I've been needing a re-awakening, a refresh, a reset and a rejuvenation of my spirit SO badly. Maybe living in a state of “survival mode” contributes to the auto-pilot season that I have succumbed to, however in my heart I want to fight fight fight the apathy!

I want to draw near again. I want to see in my life what I know in my heart. I want knowledge of who He is WITH the experience of who He is. They aren’t mutually exclusive, and you can’t settle for one without the other. I know many who shun experience, and many who only pursue experience. Those two options in and of themselves are NOT Biblical and are not ok. And I don’t want to live there, prioritizing and pursuing one over the other. I want both. And both are found when I draw near in relentless pursuit of who He is, His presence, His love.

So all of this brings us to where we are now... it's HERE. (!!!!) It's here y'all.

We leave the mainland in a week. 

I'm so excited I can hardly process. 

I'm so thankful. 

I feel like the perfect Father who knows the desires of my heart is just delighting in giving this wonderful gift to me... here's why!

9.5 years ago, I lived in Honolulu with YWAM and literally FELL IN LOVE with the island of Oahu. I LOVED the climate, the surroundings, the unbelievably beautiful beaches, the North Shore, the city, the hikes, the adventure: ALL OF IT. 

SO MUCH SO that I convinced my hubby to take us there for my 26th bday and for our 5 year anniversary. :)

SO MUCH SO that Bill and I always had the agreement that, if his commander ever called him into his office and asked him if he wanted an assignment to Hawaii, that he didn't even have to call me... but just immediately say YES because my answer will ALWAYS be YES! 

So... you can imagine what went down on August 1st... :)

It's happening and I'm thankful. 

I'm going to miss my family so much. 

I already miss my New Jersey framily SO much. (So much that I wrote a blog about them here because they deserve so much of our heart in honor and love than we could ever give.)

I'm going to miss Chick-fil-a more than I probably should. *tear*

...

But we're off. 

And He's already there ahead of us, preparing community, preparing the miracle house He promised, preparing the ways He will meet our material needs and emotional needs and spiritual needs and relational needs. Preparing a best friend that I desperately want to live life with. He goes before us and behind us and hems us in and His love has guided us to this place and will continue to fashion each of our steps as we travel far, far away. 

He's with us. 

And He is drawing us away to draw us near. 

I can't even explain to you how excited I am to figure out what that looks like.