::Lessons Lessons Lessons::

So, I'm going to theMill to worship the Living God here in about 20 minutes and I'm SO excited. :)

I need it. Badly.
I need to be in His presence.
"Beholding is becoming..." and since I want to become more like Him... I'm very excited to behold His presence tonight with other people who love Him too. :)

I honestly want to be like Him so badly. I've been being like ME for the past 18 years, and I've found absolutely no joy or fulfillment in that. The only time I feel SO satisfied or truly full of joy is when I'm sometimes acting like Him; that is, TRULY loving people, making people happy, serving people, not worrying about ANYTHING, and being completely unselfish.

It's amazing how the times when you stop caring about YOU being happy... are the times when your really happiest. :) Funny funny funny...
So ya. I wanna be like Him. I want to love people how He loves me. I want to have a deep compassion for lost people, I want to laugh at the things He laughs at and cry at the things He cries at....

Lets see, what are the words that have been flashing in my brain lately these past few weeks...
Well there's RESPECT.
Which I'm learning is HUGE, especially in relationships and marriages. That's honestly the biggest thing that I've been realizing lately. Never have I seen the importance of respect, until I recently saw the lack of it!! I don't know if that makes sense, but a relationship without respect is ridiculously horrible. It's sad and unsettling

There's PATIENCE.
Which is something I tend to lack most of the time, to be honest, but it's cool because I'm taking baby steps to having that complete TRUST in Him and growing my capacity of patience along the way. :) Something that is MUCH needed, especially since I am an extremely impulsive person.
I'm always "go go go" and get stuff done and am bored when I'm in the same place/situation for too long. I want to travel and meet new people and see the world and change LIVES!! I want to learn and do stuff that actually matters, like helping young girls overcome eating disorders and insecurites, helping them realize how ridiculously beautiful they really are and how God has made them perfect, whether they're size 15 or 0.

I want to help young guys learn the truth that is spoken by God over their lives and help them become the Men of God that He's called them to be; men that are chivalrous, protecters, courageous, MASCULINE, and men that truly love the women in their lives the way Christ loves us - willing to die for them at any second.

THIS, is the stuff that I want to be doing. :)

There's SATISFACTION.
Which I've realized it impossible to obtain outside of Christ. Period. It's weird, I know this fact to be 100% true, yet I still try to find statisfaction in other things like relationships. I mean, I LOVE people. I love meeting new people, learning about them, discovering different personality traits, spending time with them, hugging them, EVERYTHING. I love the people in my life and how God's strategically placed them there to challenge me ahd help me grow and make me laugh and bring joy to my heart.
But sometimes I let these special relationships become my source of satisfaction, which is funny because it NEVER actually happens and never can happen... and since it NEVER can happen I find myself feeling sometimes sad or upset or just down. Which is dumb.
"The Joy of the Lord is my strength..." That's truth. And I love it. :)

Anyways. Just some random thoughts before I go and pour my heart out to the love of my Life... I'm so stoked for it.
Back soon:)

::It's Times Like These...::

"... that remind me, there's no such thing as happy endings."

These are the lyrics to a song that two of my best friends wrote. Oddly enough they've been running around in my head all day long, and the funnier thing is that I couldn't disagree with the statement more!

My heart is in mourning tho. My youth pastor and his wife just received news that their baby girl, expected to enter the world in April, actually passed away this morning. This would've been their 4th child and their first daughter. My heart breaks for them... :(

I don't really know why I started this blog. I guess I want to get back into writing a little more, and blogging is definitely a great way to do that. So many things have been going on in my mind lately and it'll be nice to focus and put them all down. It's so easy to let all these things become so stressful in my life, to start worrying about relationships and school and tests and work and family and everything else, and to lose focus on what actual reality is.

And this is what I think actual reality actually is.

...

God's got it in the palm of His hands.
He's had it there since before I even existed and He keeps it there regardless of my decisions or actions or faults or mistakes or victories.

Why?
Because He loves me. Unconditionally. Unconditionally. And I believe that with my whole heart and I will allow my soul to REST in that.
Peace.
Ahh..... it's so nice. :)

It's nice to know that when things seem to be confusing and so "up in the air..." that it's still gonna be ok because God's got the best view of it from up there. I love that!!
And I love Him.
A lot.

... I'll be back. :)