::"Blog it Out" he said::

"... It'll make you feel better."
(oh... he knows me so well.) :)

So here I am "blogging it out."
I truly do feel better than I did when he spoke those words to me. Time heals much I suppose... although I do find myself pretty sad from time to time. A sudden, random burst of tears every now and then to remind me that all I really need is God and to bring me back to the place of absolute trust and dependence on Him.
As Aaron Stern said, it's keepin' me needy. I like that. :)

God, I wanna be needy...

So. This is what I'll forever be. Needy. Being slightly vulnerable, but not too vulnerable to all you crazy pedophile's that stalk people on the internet. (Not a fan of any of you crazies at allllll....)

Ok this is so random.
Let's narrow it down a bit.
Topic: Life. (verrrry narrow.)

Well it can be a little narrow in my situation today. Recent changes have occured that leave me wondering, doubting, but clinging to Him and trusting Him moreso than before. Back to my knees again I suppose. Back to the reality of my life.
Bottom line:
God is so amazing.
He has given me so much, and when I feel like I don't have everything I want... he's showing me that I'm ok without... and gaining character in the middle of it.

I know that God sits on the throne forever, ruling and reigning in every area of my life.
I know that Jesus saved my life and that He loves me with a love that never fails.
I know that the Holy Spirit is alive and will guide me and comfort me in every situation and circumstance.

THAT, right there, is absolute truth. And I will always bend my life around that truth. No matter what.

I made the decision a long time ago to follow Jesus. I'm done being me. I'm done having worries. I'm done doubting. I'm done being anxious and I'm done pretending like I can daydream my future into reality. I'm done with that.

I'm ready to trust God. I'm ready to lay my life down and serve Him. I'm ready to find out His calling for my life and obey. Whatever the cost. Whatever the amount of tears. Whatever the uncertainties or "dashed hopes." Whatever the "spiritual highs" and the times when I feel I can do it on my own....

It's so hard being a place in life when you're dreams or plans don't really seem to mesh with His. The desires of my heart at times don't seem to line up... and I'm not gonna lie, it's a difficult thing or me to surrender sometimes.

-- It's hard fully grasping the reality that God's timing isn't always my timing.
-- It's hard trusting in the reality that God's timing is actually better than my timing.

But one thing I know for sure is this:
I know that I would rather have what He chooses more than anything else in the world.

"God it hurts to give you what I must lay down,
but when I let go - freedom's found.
God it hurts to give you what I've held so dear,
but because of Your love, it's clear:
I can trust You with this.
I can trust You with me.
I can trust You."
- RSJ

Truth is: I'm excited for life right now.
In the midst of these changes and unknowns... I'm really excited. :)
In the midst of the doubts, I find peace. :)
I'm right smack dab in the middle of God's will... and I'm gonna rest in it.
:)
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Reading: (still) "Pursuit of God" - Tozer *soogood*//// "Passion and Purity" - Elisabeth Elliot.
Listening: "All I need is You." - Hillsong United ///// "Take my Life" - Chris Tomlin