For instance, my best friends and I.
-One of my best friends just got accepted into the Hillsong School of Worship and is leaving in January for two years! :) (Very bittersweet... tell you why in a second.)
-Another one of my best friends just got back from YWAM, and is just starting a very serious relationship with a boy she's been in love with for four years and who has finally become everything he needs to be to her!!
-My other best friend is head over heels in love with the Lord, and is pursuing Him alone, wanting nothing else in life!!! SO encouraging!
-My other best friend is in the process of possibly ending what was an extremely serious two and a half year relationship. :( Maybe, maybe not, but either way it hurts being at that point.
Such a catharsis of emotions no? How can I go from being SO excited/sad finding out about my friend going to Hillsong in the morning, to crying over dinner with my other friend who tells me, between sobs, that things might be over between her and the man she's been in love with for almost 3 years?
I hurt for her. :(
I dunno. Emotions are such an unstable thing. Relationships are sometimes such unstable things! Talk about taking a risk!! Putting yourself completely out there, learning day by day to trust completely in the other person you're giving part of your heart to, while making sure your not giving too much of yourself too quickly because "you never know whats going to happen."
Sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to not put yourself in the relationship situation at all, and instead to just avoid having your heart broken with something that you were so sure about turn into something that is completely unexpected. Avoiding that whole thing altogether.
But then, I think of the happiness I've had in my relationship...
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*The special feeling you get when you know they want to be with you all the time.
*The smile you can't take off your face for the rest of the day when they randomly come and surprise you at work... (my co-workers said I was glowing!!) :)
*The random texts you get throughout the day, telling you that they are thinking about you and that they love you.
*The way you feel beautiful when they compliment you, or when you randomly catch them staring at you with a smile on their face... :)
*The fact that almost every thought you have is centered around them.
*The surprise card you get from them in the mail telling you they miss you while being gone for 3 long weeks... :)
*The Peace, safety, and security you feel when you're around that person.
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I wouldn't give any of that up for the whole world! I definitely think its a risk worth taking. But the solid truth of your life is its a risk you don't have to take alone. Regardless of what happens... things work out.... or they don't.... you still have the faithful, never-ending love that is more than enough for you.
Yes emotions are unstable. Yes sometimes when I'm at the highest point in my life, one of my best friends might be at the lowest point of hers. And it's ok to meet her there, cry with her, feel for her. It's ok to understand that there are highs and lows, but the thing you must build your life on, is the fact that you don't have to run through those ups and downs completely blinded. There is a rock, a truth, a comforter, firm ground you can stand on.
No you don't know the outcome of the story, but you know the author. And what you know about the author is that He loves you in a deep, personal, faithful way with an unconditional love. He wants the best for you and will turn all things, highs or lows - ups or downs, out for YOUR good.
The sooner I can fully grasp that concept, humble myself, and trust solely in Him and His plan for my life, the more peaceful I can live. I think it's something Christians struggle with. But I'm determined to find the secret of faith; fully believing and downloading the knowledge of Him I have in my head, to the everyday choices and life I live from my heart. And rest there.
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