:::My Man:::

I'm in love I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!!

Ahhhhh. :)

-Some days, when I really have time to think about it, I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am.

- Then other times, when I'm riding in the front seat of his truck and he randomly takes my hand and smiles at me, I experience first hand little glimpses of why I am so incredibly blessed.

- Then there are the times when he's singing at the top of his lungs to his favorite country song on the radio, or ordering his "#1 no pickles, american cheese, value size with a large sweet tea" through the drive-thru at Chick-fil-a, or those times when I catch him staring at me and when I make eye contact with him, he smiles and says "you are so beautiful. I'm just going to stare at you the rest of the day, ok??"

- The times when I wake up from a nap (and absolutely look like it,) and he smiles as he sees me walking down the stairs and cups my face in his hands and says "Goodmorning gorgeous."

- The time at the Mill, when a guy will come up to him, kind of pulling him to the side, and say "Dude did you see that girl? She's so hot!" and Bill just shakes his head and says, "No, look at Jocelyn." his friend will look at me, and then Bill says (in a voice he doesn't want me to hear, but I do anyways:), "See, here's the difference. Jocelyn looks that gorgeous, all the time. I literally get to wake up to that face, every day, absolutely no makeup is needed to make her look like that."

- Then there's those times when I'm upset about something, hurt, confused, crying, and he pulls me close, kisses my forehead, and promises that he will always take care of me, that everything will be ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've fallen hopelessly and completely in love with this man. His strengths, his weaknesses, his little quirks, his annoying habits, his hobbies, his passions, his dreams, his heart. Everything about this man has completely captivated me.

I wish there were enough words to express how amazing he is.

Now, as sappy and lovey-dovey as this stuff is, I'm not blind to the difficulties we will face. I know there will be days when the last thing I want to do is be by him. I know there will be days when the last thing he wants to do is see me. But I also know, and pray, that those days will be few and far between, because God's put an overwhelming desire in Bill's heart to have an incredible marriage and I know we will do anything and everything to delight in the Lord and let God give us that desire of his heart..

I've learned so much in these past 21 months of having him in my life. I've learned so much about myself, things I like and things I hate, and I've never had as gracious or loving of a teacher as him.

He's seen me in my absolute best - where I know I am being incredibly sweet, funny, awesome, and happen to look stunningly beautiful....

And he's seen me in my absolute worst - where I know I'm being mean, impatient, hurtful, and happen to look incredibly grungy, ugly, and extremely far from even remotely attractive. Ha. :)

He sees me in every season and still loves me so so well.

+ I'm so grateful that I've found a man that thinks I look drop dead gorgeous in sweatpants, glasses, and over-sized t-shirts.

~ I'm so grateful that I've found a man that loves me so well through my impulsive reactions, those times when I don't necessarily think before I speak and say something that could be so hurtful.

+ I'm so grateful that I've found a man who is open with me, not afraid to show emotions or be vulnerable with me.

~ I'm so grateful that I've found a man who despite the fact that he's be hurt in many ways in his past, has opened up to me and allowed me to love every part of his heart - his strengths and weakness, and I'm so grateful that God's given me a heart to love him as strongly as I do.

+ I'm so grateful that I've found a man who thinks before he speaks, who is patient with me and isn't afraid to be himself in front of me.

~ I'm so grateful that I've found a man who promises to be loyal to me, to protect me and love me forever.

+ I'm so grateful that I've found a man who wrote in his journal the day after our first "date" that he thinks I'm going to marry him... and has remained loyal, steady, and confident in that thought for the past 21 months.

~ I'm so grateful that I've found a man who isn't in a hurry to grow up - not afraid to be silly, but doesn't hesitate to show, when he needs to step up to the plate, a maturity and wisdom that is faaaaar beyond his years. I'm so impressed with that.

+ I'm so grateful that I've found a man who loves me when I don't deserve it... regardless of time or distance apart, he remained faithful and loving and didn't want to let me go.

~ I'm so grateful that this man that I've found, happens to be incredibly drop dead gorgeous person - with eyes like the ocean and a smile that, in the words of the amazing Taylor Swift, "can light up this whole town."I mean, seriously, my man is a stuuuuuud. I'm a lucky lucky girl. *smile*

+ I'm so grateful I've found a man that loves the Jesus, is willing to seek out God's counsel and wisdom in His life, and lives in God's grace as he draws closer to Him.

:)

I'm marrying this man in less than two months, promising forever to him, and I couldn't be more excited or sure of anything in my life.

He's my match in every way and I am so ready to start my life with him.

I love you Bill Stainback!!!!

:::Levi:::

Life is precious.

That is one of the biggest lessons I've learned this week, at such a high cost.

It's been a tough few days. I've been mourning the loss of my sweet friend's younger brother, and my brother's best friend, Levi. He died in a tragic car accident on Saturday afternoon - he was a senior and barely 19 years old. He was the best player on his football team, a stud on his track team, a leader of his Young Life in his school, and a leader in his youth group, _tag.

But honestly, only after attending a candlelight service on Sunday night at Its A Grind Coffee House, where I witnessed over 300 people, primarily high school students, sobbing and mourning the lost of beloved Levi, did I realize just how incredibly amazing of a person he was.

He was a stud, a jock, no doubt. He loved to work out and his body did little to hide that fact, but what blew me away was the fact that his death brought together more people than just the "jocks." I mean literally, every stereotype of highschcooler that you could ever imagine was there at Its A Grind in honor of Levi. You had your jocks, your football team, your track team, your emo kids, your pretty preppy girls, your goths, your nerds, your church kids, your God haters, your rebels.... I mean seriously, as I looked around this massive crowd, that simple fact blew me away.

We had a moment during the candlelight service where people were able to share a story or memory they had of Levi, and I lost count of how many stories sounded something like this:

"I was new to Lewis Palmer (his HS), and I didn't know anybody, and I was kinda nervous but I sat down in my first class of my junior year and happened to sit next to Levi. He looked at me and smiled and said "Hey, what's up?" I was kind of hesitant because he looked like a stuck up jock to me at first, but he quickly broke down those barriers and started talking a lot to me, and honestly it was nice to have someone to talk to. He became my first friend at LP and always remained my friend since then."

Seriously, stories of how this kid impacted lives of Highschoolers was so humbling to me. However, the fact that he loved people was only part of how amazing this kid was, there wasn't a person in the crowd who was ignorant to the fact that Levi was a Christian and loved the Lord. His love for the Lord was evident in his leadership in Young Life, in his youth group, and in his life in general.

Seems to me like this kid really learned to hide the first commandment in His heart, to "Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself."

Seeing His love for people and His love for the Lord, and how his life had such an amazing impact on other kids at his public high school was a life-changing thing for me. He pointed people towards God through his love for them. That's what this life is all about.

I'm humbled to have witnessed that.

I'm grateful that he was such a great non-related older brother to my little sister, and such an amazing best friend to my brother.

I'm grateful to know Sasha, Levi's older sister, and witness her incredible grace, beauty, and strength at the candlelight service.

I tear up when I think of that moment on Sunday night when I first saw her at the Coffee House, she hurried to me and squeezed me tight and started bawling on my shoulder... all I could whisper through my sobs was "Sasha, I'm so so sorry..." and her response through her sobs, in the midst of a broken heart, was "I know, but Levi's with Jesus. He's with Jesus now."

Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is near to the broken-hearted..."

What can we learn from Levi's life?? Love people. Look past their earrings, tattoos, tough facade, emo/goth clothes - everyone has a story and everyone deserves to be loved. Why? Because everyone was made in the image of God, and that is what God commands us to do.



True Love Changes lives... and life is too short to live without trying to make an impact on people around you.

Live to Love.

Be like Levi.

:::Roads:::

I woke up this morning earlier than usual - had to be at work by 7:15 am... woot woot.

I love sleeping in... no lie... but I think there is also definitely a part of me that loves having something that forces me out of bed before 8 am... sometimes I need that little extra motivation to stand up and start my day :)

So today was that kind of day... woke up early, got ready for work. Not entirely thrilled about it, but as soon as I stepped outside, my day got better.

It's been cloudy all morning, but they were rain clouds.... which means.... I'm automatically a happy girl!

I stepped outside and let the smell of RAIN that hung thickly in the air completely consume me... there really is nothing like it.


That's is definitely one of the things I miss MOST about Hawaii... I miss waking up early to the sound of POURING RAIN right outside my window... ahh I miss it I miss it I miss it!!

But living in dry Colorado changes things a bit... we don't get too much moisture unless it's in one form: snow. The fact that I haaaaaaate cold doesn't help me out either really... so on rare days like today, where the smell of rain hangs thick in the air, I am undoubtedly a happy happy girl. :) I love the rain.

Last week I went on a 4 mile walk with my beautiful best friend, Tara. It was a spontaneous, spur of the moment, "are you free? Me too. It's beautiful outside, lets go for a walk" type of hang out sesh that ended up lasting a lot longer than I expected it to, but oh my word Jesus knew I needed it.


Tara is the type of friend that comes once in a lifetime - she's beautiful, sweet, and hands down the most ENCOURAGING person God's ever made on the planet. But the thing is that she doesn't just say stuff to you to butter you up or make you feel better, everything she says, she means. She is so genuine, she LOVES people so much and when you become close friends with her, heart to heart type of friends, mostlikely you will remain that way forever. She is such a lover :)

So there we are, walking hand in hand at the foot of the Rocky Mountains... ha jk :) Not really hand in hand, (well, atleast not the WHOLE way hand in hand *wink* I told you she's a lover!!).

But it's in those times - when we're walking and enjoying His beautiful imagination, under the sunshine, in tennis shoes, short shorts, and North Face jackets - it's THOSE times, when His Spirit comes alive in me.

In high school - I THRIVED off of the Spiritual giants I called my friends. :) Sure we were a bunch of immature, ridiculous high school girls, and we hardly did everything right as far as living a life for Christ - but boy did we hunger for Him and His presence! That is one phase of life I will ALWAYS look back on with the fondest, greatest memories and truly cherish - I was blessed to be surrounded by the people I knew in high school.

Honestly though, regardless of what anyone says, people change when they grow up. People change, ideas change, life happens, and quite honestly, shit happens. I hate to say it, but sometimes there is no better way to describe the crappiness that happens in your life. You can't avoid it, you can't prevent it. You have to face it; have to wake up the next day, move on with your life.

I get that. I get that not everything is always rainbows and butterflies... especially as you grow older and become more aware of what life is really like - outside you're fairytale, high school years. People change.

Tara and I talked about those changes that we went through in our own personal lives. Just recently we've each become little world travelers.... I lived in Hawaii and Kyrgyzstan for 6 months, she lived in Sydney, Australia for a year. I went for missions training, she went to the Hillsong School of Worship. We basically went over and year and half apart from each other, and the long distance/international living made communicating pretty difficult. We each had life lessons, events, and experiences that were in some cases, completely foreign to each other, and what better than a 4 mile walk with your best friend under the Colorado sunshine to chat a little more about it. :)

One of the biggest pluses to having the same best friend over a long period of time is that they know you SO well; they know your heart, your thoughts, your good/bad habits, your mood swings, your dislikes, your secrets, your favorites. They know when you're faking it, when you're being honest, when you're sad/happy. They just know you.

So there I am, walking 4 miles with a girl who knows me, and I girl I truly know in return, and when you get two people together that are in that comfort zone, the conversation can become nothing short of genuine and life-giving.

As we each chased our dreams over the past year, we had made decisions to step out of our comfort zones of Colorado; leaving our churches, our families, our "niches." We each sought to discover God in our own way, in a way that was completely foreign before, and that time was so good.

I think it's important for every Christian to really find out what they believe in in a place that is out of their comfort zones; a place that really tests, stretches, and pulls at whatever "foundation" you had imposed on you by your parents or church growing up.

Tara and I each discovered similar - but different - views of God on our little adventures overseas, having a nice hour and a half to compare and contrast, but eventually coming to the same conclusion.

Christianity that I've seen up close, whether I've gotten those examples from friends, family, colleagues, or even church leaders, is extremely self-focused and self-consumed. I'm guilty of this myself, trying to live a life as if God is Santa Claus... "Better watch out, better not cry, better not pout I'm telling you why.... he sees you when your sleeping, he knows if your awake. He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!!"

Thaaaaaaaaat was me. I think I subconsciously thought that if I was good, I was be in the clear zone. Tara and I decided that that perspective is extremely self-focused... what I can do, what I don't do, etc. It has to do with performance... is it good enough??

I heard in a sermon once that in your life you'll eventually hit a fork in the road... you can only go down one path. Each road has a name, it's one road vs another, and the decision of which one you take is entirely up to you. Here are the options.

Road A: Pleasing God.

Roab B: Trusting God.

There's a point in our lives where we have to decide which road we're going to take. Pleasing God, a road that truly is self-focused, and hardly leaves any room for somebody who's a sinner and in dire need of a Savior - or Trusting God, knowing that He already paid the price, recognizing that apart from Him you truly are nothing and laying down all your "crowns" at His feet, letting Him and His love be on the forefront of your life.

Of course... there are many debating topics that could be drawn off of this.
Won't you be judged by your actions? Does that mean you can do whatever you want because He already died for you?

And oh my gosh believe me this is a topic I thoroughly enjoy discussing.... but mostlikely at a later time than right now. :)

*Sigh*.... feels good to blog again. So good for my soul.

I'll be back soon. Too many wonderful loose ends to tie up!!

Love!