::Hello 22::

The last few hours of being 21 years old - WOOOOOW.

Is it just me or has this past year FLOWN BY?

I can't believe I'm 22. I used to think to myself, "You know, I'm gonna probably DIE before I get to age 16 because that just seems so far away."

And now, age 16 is in my rearview mirror by SIX YEARS. Crazy crazy crazy.

It's so weird to be able to say now that, "I get married when I was 21..." because I won't be 21 anymore. Tracking? That's just so bizarro to me.

Anyways.

What a HUGE YEAR in my life. Probably the most challenging, fulfilling, and life-changing year that I have experienced up until this point.

I think I've grown more in the last year than in all my 21 years before that combined. Honestly. I've never been so challenged in my beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, decisions, and attributes of my faith:

What the Year 21 brought:

a new marriage.

a new home.

new friends.

new places that we traveled to.

new skills - aka, cooking, decorating, etc.

new hobbies.

new job.

new goals.

new challenges.

new growth.

new dreams.

new love.

SO. MUCH. NEW.

Which of course means - saying goodbye to the old.... to Colorado, to my best friends, to my family, to my old job, to my old hobbies, to my old dreams.

Still can't believe the changes that happened in my life... turning 21, to getting married, to moving away from the state and family I love so much, to learning and growing with this incredibly attractive, wonderful man that I promised to spend the rest of my life with... to traveling the MOST places in the SHORTEST amount of time, to finally having my own house to care for, decorate, and love.

WOW. So much growth, so many steps taken.

It's been a beautiful, rocky road as my first year of being a wife - with the new victories and obstacles that come with that title and that union - and I must say that, when looking back on all that has happened, this year can be summed up in a single question of God saying, "how deep, wide, and far will you trust Me?"

He is Yahweh. He is Emmanuel. If my greatest fear is being alone I should never be afraid because His promises stand true. I know this year He has tested my faith, cradled me in His arms, and guided me into a deeper knowledge of and relationship with Him.

Up until this year of being 21, I had always had a picture perfect relationship with Jesus - genuine to some degree but absent of the reality of how much I really needed His grace.

Absent of the knowledge of, with out Him, I am truly a messed up, unworthy, pathetic person.

This year has proved to me that without His grace & undending love... I am nothing.

I know that sounds SO cliche, and I'd LOVE to go into the gory details that remove the "cliche-ness" of the journey He's taken me on to get to this true, vulnerable, new realization... but some details I'd rather die than post publicly to be honest, and others are probably too boring for you to even care about

But it's been REAL. And it's been Rocky.

This year has been FAR from easy - but it's also been FAR from words like boring, uneventful, stagnant, and regular.

Not only have I been challenged in my faith but I've been challenged as a PERSON - which I understand go hand in hand, but I like to separate the two to see exactly where I've been "pruned" so to speak and where I've grown: in my patience, in my trust (in people & in God), in how I handle my weaknesses, in my love.

The words change & growth typically go hand in hand (at least, hopefully they do...) and both words in and of themselves involve some type of pain at times, some type of life adjustment.

For us... the adjustments have been HUGE.

Meshing two families together - meshing two very different HUMANS together.

Talk about change. Talk about dying to yourself & living for another person. It's unbelievable to me how God planned this life to be - and yet He continually blows my mind with how wonderful it is, regardless of how many things needs to be adjusted.

Despite the drastic time difference from high school days til' now - there are quite a few things that haven't "changed."

For instance, my family. Still there for me, still so supportive. Still crazy with their own little quirks. Still forever loving me & my new husband, and supporting this Air Force life that we've chosen.

And my best friend. Now, I'd be lying if I said those relationships haven't changed... because they've changed a LOT over the years. People grow & people drift, and that's the inevitable truth that I've come to not only accept but embrace... we all change. But my best friend hasn't. She's loved me and encouraged me all the same throughout the years. She pursues my hearts, asks questions that open the deepest parts of me and loves allllll the ugly that she sees. Despite the distance, despite the years we've been apart now, she hasn't changed and for that I'm so blessed.

Colorado Springs hasn't changed. It still takes my breath away every time I drive into the city/step off a plane into the city. One of the most beautiful, stunning places on earth - this little city at the foot of a majestic mountain range.

Finally - but most importantly, God hasn't changed. Duh. He knew me, loved me, and guided me through my high school days and does the same in my phase of life now - regardless of the whirlwind of change happening around me. He is a solid rock. He is immovable. He is TRUTH regardless of what anyone or anything tells me. I'm so blessed for these 22 years He's given me on earth & am so excited to see what happens next.

So... here's to age 22. Who knows where I'll be living next... who knows what plane my husband will fly? Who knows the this age will bring... a baby perhaps? New wonderful friends? New struggles & challenges? Sometimes when I think about the future I get scared, and it probably has to do with the fact that I'm not so optimistic about it all the time... but I know it the depth of my heart that whatever this age brings... I'll be ok.

God loves me & He already knows.

I'm choosing to trust my unknown future to an all-knowing God... who loves me.