Man, what a mess we've gotten ourselves into.
I've had so many sweeping emotions and thoughts this week as I've read the controversial headlines each day.
I've finally had some time to take a step back and try to figure out what's going on in my head. It's a special thing when you can think for yourself... like a big kid... rather than let Fox News or CNN tell you how you should think.
So here are my two cents... hopefully it contributes to your own personal thought PROCESS.
Think for yourself, friends. And filter those thoughts by what the Father has to say. His way is the best way, always.
So let's dive in.
Quick disclaimer: this is my blog. I can only speak (write) on what I've personally experienced... and my experiences in life are filtered by who I am... a follower of Jesus, a wife to a military member, and a "white" person. So that's what I'm leading with, because that's what I know. You can't hold that against me, because it's the cards I was dealt (and in some cases, like marrying the hot Air force guy, it's the personal choices I've made). :) If I was an African American person who had experienced different behaviors and actions, this blog would probably look a little different. However. This is my attempt and safe place to process these things... things that I have no experience in, things that I want to understand, and gaps I'm trying to bridge. So before you jump to conclusions and get offended... try to put on my filtered glasses real quick, and meet me here. Because that's what I'm trying to do with YOU. Let's meet each other and swap lenses, expand minds and open hearts. There is beauty in that.
As a military wife and friend of some who have literally paid the ultimate price with their life so that people can behave like this (read more about this hero here), I do NOT condone dishonor to our flag.
The disrespect is disgusting. And a low shot.
And yet the irony is, men and women have died so that we can be free to behave this way. (You’re welcome).
This is the reason why it hits so close to home for me. My husband has chosen to defend this flag and the nation it stands for, and the payment for his service could very well be his life. That’s what he’s promised.
I’ve never been handed a folded flag that was once draped over my husbands coffin, however I have witnessed it firsthand,and the fact that men and women in our country would chose to peaceful protest in this disrespectful and dishonorable way is shocking and unacceptable.
To ignore that or say otherwise is biased and ignorant. And it is offensive.
HOWEVER. There is more to the story. :)
As a follower of Jesus, I have actually given up my right to be offended. Why? Because you can’t offend a dead person, and I have been crucified with Christ (Gal 2:20).
So, instead, I’m choosing option 3.
You see, there aren’t just two options here people...
it’s not “white noble patriots” vs. “disrespectful African Americans.”
Because frankly, in this situation, and in my opinion, BOTH options are WRONG.
Ignoring the racism and pain that still exists today, that I know my friends experience and live with in a way I'll never truly understand, is WRONG.
Choosing to protest in a way that disrespects the flag that many, including some friends of mine, have literally been killed for, is WRONG.
Friends, you've got to be able to call both options WRONG.
I know it's tense to live in that place, but it's OK!
Live in the tension of both sides being wrong!
We are existing in what is perhaps the grayest period history, and when the world screams for you to PICK A SIDE... but both sides compromise what you believe is right... there is a still small voice that whispers among the screams... “you know...I died to give you a third option.”
The third option is the love option.
"Love covers a multitude of sins."
"Love is not easily angered."
"Perfect love casts out all fear."
"Everyone will know that you are my Disciples if you love one another."
"Love is kind."
"Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you."
"If anyone says "I Love God," but hates his brother, he is a liar."
"Love keeps no records of wrong."
"Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."
The third option is the love option.
It’s not liberal or conservative.
It's not democrat or republican.
It transcends politics and color of skin and social class.
It's not defined by a hashtag, a building, a sexual orientation, a president, or even a religion.
It's defined by a King who whispers when the world shouts.
Who sleeps when the storm rages.
He defined it. He is it.
He died to prove it's extravagance. He rose from the dead to prove it's power. He's alive to prove it's authenticity.
He is love.
And He's given us the third option to love.
And it's the only option that holds any truth or offers any calm in a world that is screaming in pain and anguish.
Now, aside from the fluffy words... what does this third option actually look like? What does a follower of Jesus who has identified themselves completely with Him do while living in the tension of choosing the third option?
I think, it involves looking, hearing, understanding, and ACTION.
It looks like empathy.
It hears before it speaks.
It reaches out to someone of a different race and asking them how this makes them feel.
It makes every effort to understand.
It believes the best about the "opposing view."
It doesn’t meet a temper tantrum with a temper tantrum, it doesn’t shoot low.
It steps back and considers the fact that, maybe, just maybe, you truly don't understand the big picture, the real pain, the full history, the present struggle.
I can't control how other people behave.
I can't control whether or not people kneel and disrespect their country in a public and dishonorable way. As I mentioned before, men and women have died so they can express their beliefs in this way, without getting shot. That is the beauty of the country we live in (and the disgusting reality of the countries that many oppressed people live in), and to take away their right (and freedom) to kneel in peaceful protest, or to suggest they should be fired because of this behavior, is a powerful push in the direction we do not want to go in.
Yet, this still stands. My "lean", because of who I am, the way I've grown up, the decisions I've made, the man I've married, the lifestyle I've chosen, is to be offended by that. I lean more towards thinking about my friend who has given his life so that we can kneel and show disrespect in a safe way. and getting pissed that people would do this for a country he has literally been killed in action for.
However, because of my LEAN, I understand that... I have a LEAN. I have a tendency to view things, and get offended by things, and choose perspectives or political affiliations or beliefs in a certain way. And because of my LEAN... there may be (aka definitely are) things that I've missed. Perspectives I'm ignorant about. Perceptions that are incorrect. Stories and struggles and hardships that I have no clue about.
When a follower of Jesus recognizes their lean... I think it's so important to stop leaning, straighten up and embrace option 3 in regards to what you are leaning against.
One thing that really helped me recognize my lean and open my eyes to the fact that I may be missing a huge part of the problem here was a status written by one of my favorite Pastors and prophets. It's so good that I'm just going to post the whole thing here, but if you'd like to see the source, it's here.
Kris said:
When people are hurting they may shed a tear, wince, or whimper, but if they are experiencing high levels of pain the entire scene changes.
I remember when Kathy gave birth to our first child. We took Lamaze classes so I was “coaching” her through her labor. Per our instructions, we chose a Snickers candy bar as her focal point when she was in pain. I loved the whole idea of helping to bring control and reassurance to her situation, but about 8 hours into 28 hours of labor, Kathy’s pain got so intense that she started yelling at me! “Breathe baby, breathe . . .” I said, trying to comfort her as I was taught. “Shut up . . . leave me alone,” she shouted over and over! I got so distraught that I finally ate the focal point! She screamed for 20 more hours.
One of the crazy things about that night was that 23 other women were also giving birth at the same time. There weren’t enough rooms in the maternity ward to accommodate all the ladies having babies, so several of them were on gurneys in the hallways. I will never forget that night as an inexperienced 21 year old listening to the horrific screams of two dozen women in pain. It marked me for life!
Pain often transcends the rational response and the dignified demeanor. It ditches the calm and calculated cerebral approach to life in favor of the desperate solution. We've all heard the adage, “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Many times onlookers are quite skeptical of the pain of others because they haven’t had a similar experience. I was a person that never experienced long term physical pain. I was always critical of people who couldn’t work because of invisible things like “back pain." Then the day came when I ripped my colon and lived in intense pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 6 months. I spent those months just trying to cope with the simplest tasks of life. As my colon pain decreased, my empathy for others in pain dramatically increased.
There are people in our country who are experiencing intense pain. Their ethnicity, skin color, and/or demise of their legacy weighs on their souls like a woman in labor. The mere longevity of their pain and the prolonged nature of their problem has bread hopelessness amongst their culture. Their silent tears have once again turned to loud screams as they push to birth freedom, equality, and dignity among their race. We are not just talking about fair laws or rules, but the simple desire to be equally valued and truly honored as fellow Americans.
Many Americans have reduced their perspectives to arguing over the appropriateness of the scream; is it too loud, is it dignified, or should it be happening in the “hallways,” BUT they’ve missed the entire point. The real issue . . . the root problem is PEOPLE ARE IN INTENSE PAIN!
Some argue, “I don’t think they're being mistreated or disrespected.” Yes, but you aren’t black!! You aren’t the one in pain. You likely have no grid for what it’s like to deal with a skin color that disqualifies you, puts you in a box, or numbers you among criminals, which of course is ludicrous! But it’s real . . . and it’s happening right here in 21st century America.
So what can you do?
1- Stop telling people they aren’t in pain. They are!
2- Work to understand why the pain exists in your community.
3-Be a part of the solution.
Love never fails!
How good is that? Ah! How much have I missed?!?! How much do I not understand?!?! And how much has my LEAN hindered me from seeing the root of the problem?!?!
And so begins existing in the beautiful tension... :)
Because you see, by agreeing with the above... and even though I'm choosing to "work to understand why the pain exists in [my] community," that does not mean I condone, accept or embrace the dishonoring of the flag and our country. I never can, and I never will.
YET, option 3 doesn't mean I have to.
Option 3 lives in the tension of calling out the wrongness (is that a word?) of both!
Option 3 gives me the ability to ignore my lean and embrace the fact that truly, truly truly, LOVE NEVER FAILS.
Option 3 gives room for expression of pain, empathy, understanding, confession, repentance, and restoration!
It bridges gaps and heals wounds and works through the nitty-gritty-ness of heartache and brokenness and pain and offense. It's a beautiful place to be - it gives life because it's given to us by the Life-giver.
It allows me to say, "hey, I'm not black. I've never been immersed in a black community. I've never been discriminated against because of the color of my skin and I've never known what that feels like. I've never been scared for my life when I've been pulled over by a cop. I can't fathom what that feels like. I've never viewed the world through the filter of... 'maybe that happened because I'm black.' I've never seen jobs skipped over or opportunities taken away because of the color of my skin. So guess what? That means... I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN."
Not that your pain isn't real... or your pain is unimportant... but rather... your pain is something I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
Option 3 says... "because I may not understand your pain, I'm not going to miss the root of the problem because I don't condone the way you are screaming."
It gives us a better way.
HE GAVE US A BETTER WAY.
His way is higher and wider and lighter.
His way is perfect.
And I think His way looks like this:
"Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to be angry." - James 1:9
"Brothers, rejoice. aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace, and the God of love and peace with be with you." - 2 Corinthians 13:11
"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be arrogant." - Romans 12:16a
"Love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything." 1 Peter 4:8
"Love binds everything together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:14
"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing." - 1 Peter 3:8-10
Let's not let the media control the way we think. Let's not let them dictate what we believe, how we view controversial issues, or even what we call controversial. Let's think for ourselves, and let us think with the mind of Christ. Who filtered everything He knew, saw, heard, and believe by what the Father told Him!
It doesn't have to be black and white. I know Christians prefer black and white because it helps them color in the lines. But the thing is, Jesus ignored the black and white of his day. He was continually outside of the box, continually loving the prostitutes, the outcasts, the dirty, the lowly, the sinful.
When the world screamed at him to pick a side, He knelt down and drew in the dirt... and offered the third option: "Let He who is without sin cast the first stone."
He was continually in relationship with the Father and He only did what His father told Him to do. And consequently, He's told us what we should do.
Choose to NOT be pressured into picking a side.
Choose to NOT let a video here that hates on Trump or a video there that hates on the NFL dictate the option you choose. In fact, don't choose either of those options.
Choose to NOT filter your opinion of "Black Lives Matter" or police brutality on a viral youtube video or post.
Choose to be willing to call what is right right, and what is wrong wrong, and trust God to provide the third and only good option when the ones the world has to offer are wrong.
He already has.
He DIED so we can live.
He rose on the third day so we can have the third option.
He makes a way when there is no way.
He is the God of the impossible and His way is the best way.
He's called us to love.
And a quick side note....... the sooner we love, the sooner we quit bickering and stirring the pot with a careless post or status update here or there, the sooner we step back, repair bridges, swap lenses and open ears to listen... the sooner we can get to the REAL problems in the world that the enemy, I believe, has very keenly tried to distract us from. Like the lives that are broken and dying in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Houston and the Caribbean.
We can't be fighting among ourselves AND helping the broken people of the world at the same time.
The enemy knows that. he is sneaky and smart but he is ultimately defeated, so lets stop doing his work of hatred, offense, bickering, disunity and discrimination for him.
Let's pick the third option.
Let's love.
