:::Again & again & again:::

The past week has been a very interesting one. God's been doing some pretty sweet (that's "sweet" as in, really cute, gentle, sweetheart type stuff) in my life lately.

Sunday I got home from my trip to Atlanta and Florida with my man to visit his family... talk about a FUN time!!! We had a blast, surprised his parents and brother and sister... (they didn't know we were making a stop in Atlanta!) and then took a 9 hour road trip down to Bonita Springs, Florida, where we stayed with his grandparents in their BEAUTIFUL home the rest of the week... making a couple day visits at the beach of course:) It was SO NICE!!! That was a very much needed week... Bill and I got to spend a lot of good quality time together and it was such a treat:)

God started tugging on my heart while I was IN Atlanta. I went to his younger sister's Senior High service at their church, and oh my gosh it was amazing. The Holy Spirit was there in every way... from the awesome worship (led by Bill's younger sisters boyfriend, Nick, who is SO cool and so in love with Jesus!) to the sermon, which was such an intense, powerful sermon about the Holy Spirit and how we shouldn't become complacent in our walk with Christ and we need to RUN after Him with everything we have!! (A sermon I really needed to hear.)

THEN... a couple days later... Bill surprised me with a special guest at our random lunch date at Moe's.... his mentor Matt Miller! We ate our little burritos and started talking with Matt, who is such a great guy. Our conversation lasted for about 3 hours, and consisted of Matt mentoring Bill and I and giving us awesome, Godly advice for our relationship. It was a mini-taste of pre-engagement counseling:) I loved every minute of it!!! God used that time to tug on my heart as well.... He apparently really wants me back!

Anyways, the transition back into real life.... Bill being insanely busy with schoolwork and me working 35+ hours a week.... has been a difficult one. My life has been so full of transitions ever since coming back from DTS, it's crazy. I feel like I haven't had any chance to stop, relax, and spend time with JUST my Jesus... and to be honest that fact alone is having more of a negative effect on me than I think I even realize.

I went to Revival Town, the service on Tuesday nights at my church, and it was awesome. I walked into the service to the song "He Loves Us...." a song that's invaded my life since last summer and hasn't left. It was awesome. I worshipped God for a little bit... something I haven't done in quite a while unfortunately.... then caught a glimpse of my incredible cousin, Nico, and asked him to pray for me. Nico's 2 days older than me and has always had such a special place in my heart. Anyways, with the authority he has in Christ, he prayed for me and over me and just really encouraged my heart. It was just what I needed. Thank Jesus for the incredible people He's made:)

That was Tuesday night... so refreshing. My cousin flew in last night... and she's recently come back to Jesus after living the past 22 years of her life her own way, and boy is she on FIRE!!! Ahhh... such a blessing!!! In the midst of my crazy, complacent, somewhat depressing week, Jesus sends me a little spark He's started in my cousin and it's so incredibly encouraging and so inspiring!! I stayed up talking with her and my mom until 3 in the morning... (bad idea when I had to be at work today at 8 am...) but we just talked about Jesus and about what He's been doing in her life and about faith... oh my gosh.... touched my heart so much!!

I miss being surrounded and having a solid group of friends that are all in love with Jesus... to the point where He's all we talk about, all we want, all we feed on in our lives. Coming back from DTS has been hard in different ways. I've in a sense lost my good, solid friends who were in love with Jesus as much as I was and pushed me closer to Him. Life happened, relationships happened, "busyness" happened.... and now it's gone. I miss having friends who I could just stay up all night with talking about Jesus.

I experienced that a little bit last night again with my cousin! The realization that I've been missing that for so long broke my heart. :( I hate where I'm at right now. I miss the days in high school where I had one love and one love only and my hearts desire was chasing after Him.

I want to be back there. And I will. God wants me back!! :)

There are several things I've learned from the old days at _tag... (the glory days.) One is this: You hunger for what you feed on.
That's something that I need to really grasp in my life right now. I've been feeding on work, relationships, facebook lol. Anything and everything but my relationship with Jesus... so obviously by not feeding on it, I'm not hungering and desiring it!! Ohhhh but believe me, I am. I want Him so badly!


My cousin said something last night that was incredible to me: "You can't meet Jesus and have a relationship with Him and NOT be a radical, fanatic, etc. It's impossible. When you truly meet Him, and have a growing relationship with Him, you will want nothing less. Lukewarm Christianity is a joke and a waste of time. People are selfish and try to develop their own Christianity, regardless of what scripture says, but it's right there for you to read. You need to either be all in, or all out."

Amazing. My life since YWAM has been lukewarm. I don't want to get spit out of God's mouth. I want to live my life abundantly here while I'm on the earth... and that can only happen to the extent that I'm plugged into my Jesus. I want to walk with Him. I want to have a radical prayer life. I want to be addicted and feed off of the Word. I want to worship Him in the Spirit! I don't want to get trapped into a life of sin; lust, pride, and deceit have been the roads most traveled in my life recently and I need to get out.


Jesus is truth. He's the way. He is life. His love for me is more than anything I can comprehend and that love demands my whole life.