::: Better than Butterflies :::

Falling in love is a myth. 

Choosing to love is the reality. You don't "fall out of love" with someone... you choose to walk away.

- Pastor Carl Lentz, Hillsong NYC.

The truth of this quote moved my heart to the point of tears. I guess I'm just so obsessed with this topic - marriage - that perspectives like this one and several others really affect me. Inspiration... leads to writing.

First of all, I'd like to clarify something. I've had a few people that have read my blog express to me how it sounds like marriage is harder than they thought... how maybe it's something that they don't want to jump into.

Yikes! That comment made me sad & also wanted me to shed a bit of light on where I'm coming from when I write.

In response to these opinions, I'd like to say that yes... MARRIAGE IS HARD. It's one of the most challenging, refining, ugly-discovering things I've ever experienced in my life. YES it is hard and YES it's never something to just "jump into."

However, I like to blog because I like to write. I like to write because I process situations, ideas, events & perspectives BEST through writing. It allows me to sort out the good and bad and to see a clearer picture.

That being said, my blogs will always be just that... stories about the good and bad. I'm not going to sugar-coat it and I'm not going to pretend like my marriage or life in general is perfect because it is very far from it. I'm tired of society raising certain couples on pedestal's of "perfection" only to see them fall into the typical divorce statistic and leave the rest of us wondering... "how could this have happened?"

No. I'm keeping it real here, for my own sake more than others, and I'm hoping that THROUGH the ugliness, THROUGH the struggle, THROUGH the hard times... REDEMPTION, GROWTH, and PERSPECTIVE CHANGE are high-lighted more. My processing usually never dead-ends on a hopeless result, because in Jesus we are never hopeless!

My wish for whoever reads my blog is that they will be able to see the REALITY of marriage - both good and bad, at least from my perspective, to feel HOPE that hey, they aren't the only ones feeling like this after all... and to feel ENCOURAGED to grow and change... from ugly to beautiful.
Because that's what this journey is about... constant changing, growing, learning, seeking.

I'm not the same person I was two years ago when I wore white and walked down an aisle to my new forever... I thank Jesus for that.

That being said, in two years from even NOW, I DON'T want to be the same person I am today. There are still so many struggles, fears, insecurities, desires I want to continue to work through and surrender to Jesus.

2 Peter 3:18A says: 
"But grow in the grace & knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ." 

I love that... grow in the grace... 

So yes. That's what this blog is... a story of growing in grace... a journey to becoming a new, better, and WHOLE person IN Christ & in Him alone.
I PRAY that it will be more encouraging than discouraging... I pray that people who read it will perhaps be able to relate and process through whatever they're struggling with alongside me. That's my hope.

 Ok. Had to get that out there. Back to this incredible quote by Carl Lentz::::

"Falling in love is a myth. Choosing to love is the reality. You don't "fall out of love" with someone... you choose to walk away."

The weight of the truth of that quote was SO huge and is something I believe could completely CHANGE the nasty marriage statistics of today.

I've only been married for two years, but I can see the truth of this quote SO CLEARLY even through the hard times I've experienced in my marriage.

I'm convinced that marriage changes you... and it let's YOU decide which way you're going to change.

It can either make you more selfish, or less selfish.

It can either make you a better communicator, or a worse communicator.

It can either make you grow in faith, or become angry at God.

It can either make you a happy person, or a bitter person.

You choose.

I've had to make those tough decisions already, even this week. We got into somewhat of an ugly squabble, over something dumb and driven by insecurity... (are you as tired of this pattern as I am? If not, read here, here, here and here and maybe then you'll understand how pathetic I can really be...) and again I was faced with the decision of what type of person I want to be.

It's insane when I think about how different my life would be if I weren't married.
I mean, I doubt I would EVER grow, haha.
That's extreme, and I'm sure I would, but NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE have I had such tangible, in my face opportunities to:
1) Act Ugly
2) NOTICE IT. 
3) Decide which way I'm going to go with it.
4) Have the chance to make the right decision... and make it right. 

My friendships in high school hardly ever led me through this process of change.
And if they did, sometimes my pride would get the better of me and convince me to cling to it; stopping at step 3 & deciding that "well, guess I don't need you after all..." this produced maybe more distance or less intimacy in the friendship and sometimes that was fine because GUESS WHAT... I didn't have to crawl into bed with that person and wake up with them the next day for the rest of my life!!

Hello Marriage :)

I believe Step 3 is the stage that, **in most cases, leads to divorce.
What's so amazing/burdensome is that, it's completely in YOUR POWER.
YOU DECIDE. 
Just like Pastor Carl Lentz explains... "falling in love is a myth... choosing to love is the reality."

See, one day you'll wake up and the fuzzy's will be gone and the perfect flawless look you always had when you dated will be gone and the butterflies you get when he sends you a text will be gone and you ALWAYS NEEDING to be in contact with him throughout the whole day will be gone...

And that fresh "fallen in love" feeling you had, that you thought would/should last forever, will most likely be gone.
And Step 3 will maybe be the hardest decision you have to make. 

BUT - when your face to face with Step 3 and you choose:
humility. 
grace. 
compassion.
patience. 
love. 
forgiveness. 
or as my Pastor Andy Stanley says, "believing the best about that person..."

Here's what happens.
You get a deeper, more intimate love than I promise you have EVER experienced in any dating relationship.
I'm telling you, butterflies absolutely pale in comparison.
Because it's made of something REAL.
It's made from a DIFFICULT CHOICE.
It renews HOPE; you guys CAN do this.
It's wrapped in HUMILITY; I will ALWAYS consider you better than myself.
It's wrapped in GRACE; yes I FORGIVE you and I'm not going anywhere.
It's wrapped in TRUTH; til death do us part. 

It's been through the fire & come out stronger than ever.
Day in and Day out. 

THIS LOVE is worth letting go of the butterflies and flawlessness and perfection and silly expectations. 
It's REAL and it LASTS FOREVER. 

Isn't that what we all want anyways? A love that lasts forever.

Wow. I've never really written a blog before that made me cry until right now.
I'm literally typing these words and becoming overwhelmed with emotion because it MAKES SENSE and it TARGETS ME.
I guess I'm blown away by His Grace.
Apart from Jesus we can have NONE of this.
Because apart from Jesus we CAN'T truly love, have humility, show grace... because it doesn't exist outside of Him. 

I don't want a cheap love that works when everything is good and disappears when our TRUE SELVES (ie. the ugly, selfish, terrible souls wrapped in skin) come out.

Because we're human and we're imperfect and with as much as everyone always uses that as an excuse... in marriage, that fact is something easily forgotten.

We will face our "Step 3's" probably every single day for the rest of our lives... many times without warning. 
We'll be face to face in this sudden fight, sometimes out of nowhere, maybe terribly ugly and uncalled for... and we can DECIDE what to do.

You hold that power.
And if you're married, I really encourage you to decide today what type of spouse you are going to be.

CHOOSE to love, CHOOSE to forgive, CHOOSE to believe the best when all things point to the worst.
All these tiny decisions will either lead you to a real, true love that is better than butterflies... or to a divorce court. 
You have the choice. Fight for your marriage.



**I know that there are other reasons that lead to divorce; addiction, unfaithfulness, abuse to name a few... I'm really not trying to dismiss those reasons. The "Step 3" I'm talking about is made much more difficult in those situations, but what I'm referring to is when those aren't present and when instead you have as Dr. Eggerich's says, "two good will people." Just wanted to clarify that! 

:::Tragedy:::

Oh my word.

It's been somewhat of a silent few months for me in the blog world - so much has happened, both amazing things in my life & tragedy in the state I call home. And to think, I thought my last post about the Fire was enough tragedy for one summer...
Last night's shooting in the movie theater at the Batman premier is sickening, heartbreaking news to wake up to. The scene that witnesses have describe is terrifying; I can't even imagine it. I'm weeping with the families who weep over the precious lives that were taken so early, and the poor victims who survived but who's lives have literally been changed forever.

God is a God of love. He holds the world together and He is in control. I'd like to think He knows it's hard being us, He knows it's hard to move from one tragedy to the next. It's hard when we don't understand and we can't seems to make sense of why hatred and darkness could run so deep in a person that he causes pain like this on innocent people.

We don't know his story, though I'm sure we will find out in the coming days. I guess I don't know where I'm going with this post other than to process "outloud" - this tragedy is devastating and though I know God will be glorified through it, I'm praying the Holy Spirit comforts those in mourning in the meantime. He is the ultimate comforter and though I couldn't even BEGIN to imagine this happening in my life, happening to someone I loved, my thoughts today are with the families and friends affected. Praying His peace, love, compassion & healing which is something the world cannot give. Hallelujah.

:::Fire:::

What a weird time of life this is! So much has changed since my last post. We are officially completely out of Texas.... a fact that I'm bittersweet about, much to my surprise.We've seen so much family in the past months it's been an insane blessing. We've upgraded to a nicer home on a bigger base in a state where you're not allowed to pump your own gas. (???) And recently, much to my heartbreak, the state I love is on fire. Literally.

With the huge move and the change of scenery and the millions of boxes to unpack and the meeting&greeting of new friendly neighbors, it's been hard to really sit down and deeply think about stuff. Or be inspired by anything in general.

This current tragedy, however, has really in a way suddenly jolted my heart to a stopping point. Seeing these pictures of the flames & destruction of neighborhoods I have frequented & mountains I've hiked & the city I've loved - all from a distance of hundreds of miles away - makes you feel hopeless and frantic and a whole lot of things that don't really look like trusting Jesus at all.

Though I don't have time to express much - something I'm hoping for maybe later on this month as things settle down - I must say that in the midst of this tragedy which is legitimately terrifying and life-threatening and hopeless, there is hope. I'm reminded of that as I pace around my home with tears streaming down my face, constantly checking my twitter/fb newsfeed for updates and horrifying pictures. It hurts. It's scary. But in the midst of it, I just want to be anchored to what I KNOW which is so much bigger than what I SEE.

I love Chris Tomlin's lyrics as it pertains to this... "when my faith shall be my eyes..." :::
It's so stupidly easy to see the picture right in front of you and forget how big God is.
He saw this fire coming & can probably blow the whole thing out with the wind of one of His blink's... imagine that.

He holds it all together. His big picture is better than my puzzle piece and I'm hoping to remember this BETTER next time a crisis like this or even not like this occurs in my life.

That is all. Hopefully more soon because I do miss sitting and pondering through the etches of a keyboard.