Ahhhhh, Passion.
The past few days I’ve been screaming at the top of my lungs (in my heart, of course.) “I WANNA BE AT PASSION!”
At the same volume and decibel level, I’ve paralleled those silent screams with, “THANK YOU JESUS FOR TECHNOLOGY!”
Seriously? What an awesome time in history to live in.
I can watch Louie Giglio preach a sermon to 44,000 people and join in worship with Chris Tomlin & Hillsong United even though I’m thousands of miles away, in a tiny town on the border.
I’ve battled emotions in my heart of longing to be there and experience it all first hand, and reminding myself that Jesus isn’t exclusive only to people at Passion – I can cultivate His presence & worship Him RIGHT NOW, in my real day to day life here in Texas. I’m ok with that. And the times when I didn’t feel ok with that, that just revealed to me more of my heart. The ugly side, of course.
It blows my mind how in need I am of God’s grace.
I have access to Him every moment of every day – I have and HAVE HAD an open invitation to a relationship of the purest, most unconditional love, and sometimes I forget. Or ignore. Or pretend that I don’t need it. How foolish.
I’ve recently caught on to the trend that people are labeling certain years with WORDS: my sweet friend Jessica, for example, had “hope” as her “word theme” for 2010. This year, her “word of the year” is Joy.
A wonderful woman who’s blog I recently discovered – Ann Voskamp – ALSO labels each year with a word. Bunny Trail: This woman writes in the most beautiful way I’ve seen in a long time. Her style of writing paints a picture and I can feel the heartbeat behind each word, I NEVER read her blog and click on the small upper-right cornered “X” feeling like I wanna stay the same, where I am. It is so inspiring.
That being said, the other day I read her blog for the new year. Of course, it was beautiful. I was moved; left me wanting more, wanting deeper, wanting change, wanting NEW.
Here's an excerpt from it...
"Contentment isnt a state of organization, a weight on the scale, a state of better: better kids, better marriage, better health, better house.
Contentment is never a matter of circumstances; contentment is always a state of communion - a daily embracing of God - and moment and life just as He gives it.
Trying harder may only bring harder trials, and contentment won't be found in the resolutions, but in the revolutions: in the turning round to God."
Say hello to my new “word of the year” – CONTENTMENT.
Which we now see has more action in it besides trying to convince myself of clutching to a particular state of mind...
This tiny excerpt from a profound blog mixed with occasional livestream glimpses of what God is doing on downtown Atlanta has left me starving for something else.
Life is too short to live in a state of rebellion against a God who literally IS LOVE – He is the source of it, the root of it. You can’t have LOVE apart from God because it doesn’t exist.
That being said, I don’t want to rebel against Love, I want to be drowned in it. And brought back to life in it. I want all that Love has for me & I want my heart to be solely and wholly attached to it.
“Contentment is always a state of communion…” – the hands of contentment fit perfectly in the hands of love. Both hands probably have a tattoo of “thankfulness” written on their palms, and gripped tightly all the same.
That being said, my “new years resolution” if you will – more like my constant LIFE resolution that I’m just piggy-backing onto a list of to-do’s for the first week of January – is to live in COMMUNION with this wholly OTHER and wholly HOLY King of Kings.
Communion with Jesus really can only produce GOOD GOOD THINGS:
Communion with Him makes you see how small you are… squash pride welcome humility.
Communion with Him makes you see who YOU are… squash fear welcome identity.
Communion with Him makes you see the big picture… squash selfishness welcome worship.
Communion with Him makes you want Him more… squash apathy welcome obsession.
Communion with Him makes you capable of doing anything… squash insecurity welcome PASSION.
On the second to last day of 2011, I was driving in my handsome brother’s car and as I started the car, a song was playing on his ipod that I hadn’t heard in F O R E V E R.
The song was called Magnificent Obsession by Steven Curtis Chapman – an oldie but a gooooooodie.
As the song began, a song that like said I hadn’t heard in FOREVER mind you, the lyrics started coming back to memory:
“Lord you how much, I wanna know so much, in the way of answers and expectations…
I have tried and prayed, and still I seem to stay, in the middle of life’s complications.
All this pursuing leaves me feelings like I’m chasing down the wind..
But now it’s brought me back to you, and I can see again…
This is everything I want, this is everything I need.
I want You to be my one CONSUMING PASSION.
Everything my heart desires, Lord I want it all to be for YOU Jesus,
be my Magnificent Obsession!
Return me to the cross, let me be completely lost
In the wonder of your grace & your mercy
Cut through these chains that tie me down to so many lesser things...
Let all my dreams fall to the ground until this ONE remains…”
- YEP. Tears. Perhaps, a product of birth control and a self-promise to let my heart feel deep deep emotions – of friends or stories or situations or the like.
These tears to me at that moment represented a mourning of the life I’ve let myself live and the hope of the upcoming new year and new-NESS.
But what was really making me cry were the lyrics of that last line... "let all my dreams fall to the ground until this ONE remains..." WHAT? All my DREAMS? Is that really want I want, to only let ONE of my many big dreams remain & sacrifice the rest?
I got to thinking about it, between wiping my wet eyes, and decided that my answer would be YES LORD.
If I’m going to pray a prayer regarding dreams, as I welcome this new year, I’m going to pray that ALL MY OTHER DREAMS WOULD FALL TO THE GROUND UNTIL JUST ONE DREAM REMAINS – the dream of Jesus becoming my magnificent Obsession.
I have a feeling that this prayer is both stupid and scary but it’s not.
I have a feeling that that’s what I want in the deepest deeps of my heart even though sometimes in the shallowed shallows of my mind I can’t grip it.
I have a feeling that this is what I need to literally survive – and this magnificent obsession will bring my word of the year to LIFE – TO MY LIFE.
How to get there?
“Embrace every scar as surgery — to make me more like His Son.
Embrace every pain as a peeling away of something - to make me know it in new ways, that He is enough.
Embrace every moment as a miracle - that it might never have been. That makes me to walk to all is grace." - Ann Voskamp
Hello. Funny how much Perspective Change = beginning of contentment.
The perspective change in regards to pain/fear/doubt/insecurity can change your whole outlook on your life… and words like HOPE, JOY, AND CONTENTMENT can just AWAKEN to you and become something more than a pretty word that you can hang up on your wall.
Of course, I write to process. So these ideas I am screaming to myself in the mirror right now more than just sharing. At times I feel far from letting these words become untangible descriptions of my day instead of pretty words that I decorate my home with – but I’m going there, moving forward in that direction with a willing heart, which I guess is the first step anyways.
I want to be content with ALL things. It’s a NEW YEAR – a new beginning and a fresh start means grace and a fresh start means no shame and all surpassing peace if you know that your future is held tightly by someone who DIED for you.
Rest in it. Be content with it.
He really is a good, good Savior.
