:::New:Blank:Fresh:::

I soooo very much love New Years.

It's my favorite holiday, hands down.

I'm a date person, I love & remember dates & anniversaries of special events. I can tell you the date of my husband & my's first kiss... our whole timeline. I got it down to a T.

That being said... the idea of a "new year" is directly equivalent to a fresh start, and I can say that I LOVE fresh starts almost as much as I love calendars.

I feel like everything "new" is so equivalent to Jesus' will for your/my life.

He comes in, right smack dab in the middle of my perfectly unhealthy mess, and initiates the clean-up.

Not only does he initiate cleanup, but he fixes the broken parts, glues together the shattered pieces, and spit-shine's the embarrassing, dust-covered/stained corners til' I'm pure as snow. BRAND. NEW.

Unbelievable.

Right now I'm listening to lyrics that have literally SO been ingrained in my brain with their beautiful melody, ever since I was a wee youngin' during my days at _tag... but I can't imagine God putting a more perfect song in my ears at this exact moment than this very tune:

"A thousand times I've failed, still You're Mercy remains... should I stumble again, I'm caught in Your Grace..."

I don't know of a more enticing invitation than that. Especially with the intimately personal knowledge I have of the messy, dark, cob-webbed corners of my own heart.

2011 is O V E R.

I love ending chapters & starting new ones.

And I HATE ending chapters right in the middle of the chapter.

I believe Jesus is so perfectly timely in his idea of New Years - He's done it over and over again in my life. (Every 365 give/take days to be exact.)

What's funny is, that sometimes, as I enter what I believe to be in my heart a NEW, BLANK, FRESH PAGE... I always have my flesh speak up & REMIND me to admit that I don't deserve it. Or that I'll fail if I try with this "fresh, clean start" - so why try?

Nonsense...

"A Thousand times I've failed... still Your mercy remains... should I stumble again?" Oh yes. More like WHEN I stumble again.

Mind you, it's only the second day of the new year and I'm ashamed to admit that the word "WHEN" in that particular context has applied more times than I'll let you know.

It looks like so: Impatience. Doubt. Lack of faith. Lack of contentment. Jealousy. Fear. Pride. Pride. Pride.

Ugh. Forever will I battle?

"It's about the JOURNEY - not the DESTINATION..."

Or as my ridiculously awesome brother told me over Christmas break... something that his sweet friend shared with him...

"We aren't human BEINGS... we are human BECOMINGS..."

We are CONSTANTLY BECOMING - we are constantly moving towards SOMETHING... you decide what that "thing" is!

The second we think we've "made it" - whether in regards to our character, status, heart, relationship with God, etc... we've missed the point entirely.

Oh pride I hate you.

Yet you seem to love me!

NO.

2012 - I welcome you. Because of what you represent to me - because of the promise of NEW-NESS that Jesus is whispering to my heart... because of the chance to close a chapter and begin a beautiful one, again.

Time to start fresh - whatever that looks like to you.

To me?

Yes, I'm starting fresh.

Re-committing my heart, my life, my thoughts, my emotions - to the King who literally deserves it all in a way that I don't have words to express.

Sometimes I think, {{how many times do I have to freakin' do this??}}

BUT it's in the moment that, when I think I have exhausted myself from trying {again} to recommit & make the decision to do so no longer... that my heart will literally DIE.

NEVER!

A Thousand times I've failed - STILL HIS MERCY REMAINS!

Should I stumble again - I'M CAUGHT IN HIS GRACE!!

Don't let your pride keep you from falling on your face... again... and humbling yourself before a God who's love will NEVER FAIL YOU.

Don't let your pride keep you from admitting that you need a fresh start... again.. and walking that walk ahead, but this time with FAITH and not an obsession with your "GOOD DEEDS."

Don't take this fresh, blank page & throw it away out of ego - and don't take it and scribble nonsense on it because "it's what you've been doing all along and what you deserve..."

Believe me - I don't deserve this second (actually, more like 3,425th) chance AGAIN. I don't.

But at this point I have a choice to make.

Believe God can redeem me, broken, ugly, pathetic, slug-like ME, - believe I need my heart and mind to be RENEWED DAILY to walk this thing I'm talking - and BELIEVE that My FAITH ALONE is counted to me as righteousness...

EG: "All our righteous deeds are like filthy rags..." - Isaiah 64:6

Not just believe in God... but BELIEVE HIM!!

Take Him at His word!

Believe I am His daughter!

Believe I am HIS BELOVED!

Believe I have an inheritance!

Believe He has washed my sins away!
Believe I can do anything through Him!

Believe He gave me a helper!

Believe He has a PLAN for my life!

Believe He works everything out for GOOD in my life!

Believe He can do what He says He can do!

Believe that I am NOTHING without His Grace!

Believe that not ANYTHING can separate me from His love!

Believe that His ways are higher!

Believe that I must decrease, He must increase!

Believe that He has a plan to prosper my life!

Believe that by His stripes I am healed!

Believe that I don't have to conform to the world, but that I can RENEW MY MIND!

Believe that He loves me!

Believe that HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW!

I'm opening my heart to Him... again.

I would like to DECLARE that 2012, in regards to MY life, is HIS for the taking.

Not because I'm an uneducated, naive little girl who is believing in something that she's been fed her whole life.

But because I have SEEN HIS FAITHFUL FRIENDSHIP literally all throughout my days... I've seen Him conform even the most unlikely person into one that is wholly in love with Him... I've seen Him radically transform lives... and I see that His message of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, Peace, Joy Unspeakable, Humility, Loyalty, Patience, Inward Beauty, Compassion, Faith - is SO UNLIKE anything society is trying to get us to believe and HIS WAY IS BETTER.

Cheers to a new year.

If this is the millionth time, or the first time, I encourage you to not let your failures stop you from accepting this grace & starting over..

He is love, He gives love, and He has ordained you to live through yet ANOTHER - NEW YEAR - and He's a God who makes all things new.

Quit talking the talk... I speak that as much to myself as to anyone... and DIVE DEEP into His words & His truth.

Nothing else in the entire world matters... so why waste yet another year? Why scribble nonsense on a perfectly clean crisp white page?

It's yours - He's given you enough grace to begin NEW today... take it.

Stop living your life for yourself and begin living your life for someone who has the BIG PICTURE!

He loves you... so very much.

So much, in fact, that He'll wipe your slate clean if you let Him.

::Culture vs. Scripture::

So, I'm sitting here in my fuzzy blue robe, drinking my delicious peppermint tea, listening to "Poison & Wine" and "Barton Hollow" by the Civil Wars, and trying to figure out why I haven't blogged more over the past few weeks since I've essentially had an extremely open schedule during my time here on the border.

I've decided that the reason is probably because.... this place lacks some serious inspiration. If you don't know what I'm talking - move here. The only beautiful thing about this town is the people - the people here are about 80% Mexican and SO nice and friendly and bilingual and cute and everything - I can honestly say I love the people of Del Rio.

But if you took the people out of the picture - leaving JUST the town.... yikes. A lot of closed business. A lot of desert-like conditions. Hardly any trees. Sort of dumpy. No Starbucks and no Target. If people left this town, and you let the town sit deserted for about two weeks... it could be considered a fairly large ghost town.

That being said, it's hard to come from Colorado to the border, especially in regards to inspiration. Here's a short list why:

In Colorado...

- I could step outside my house to take a walk and immediately be surrounded by breathtaking mountains that many people only dream of seeing.

- I could get lost on a hike and end up at a lake or waterfall a mile up from where I started my hike.

- I could sit, cozied up in my house, sipping hot chocolate and looking outside at the huge chunks of snow falling and collecting on the ground.

- I could drive a few miles away, and gather with thousands of people and lift up the name of Jesus at my church essentially any night of the week.

- I could call up my best friend, drive up to her house in the mountains, and lay on her deck in our underwear and sports bras, talking about life and God and getting tan.

- I could drive a few miles away into the mountains to go meet my boyfriend/fiance (at the time) at his school and see views (or "vista's" as my father in love calls them...) that are absolutely stunning. Just during the drive!!

- I could hop in my car and be at a Starbucks, Target, Panera, Taco Bell, Williams & Sonoma, Express, Kohl's... really, take your pick... any place within 10 -15 minutes. Haha and this point makes me laugh. You never realize how much you LOVE Target until you move to a place where the closest Target is 3 hours away...

Blah. I feel like a huge whiner now, and honestly I don't HATE this town. Really. Like I said, the people are fantastic... and the lack of entertainment that this town offers has meant less distractions for my amazing husband and I - more time to ourselves to enjoy this beautiful, fun phase of life. There are several up-sides to living here for sure!

Anyways... I'm here.

:)

On the Border.

Meeting new people and recognizing new faces every day.

Enjoying this time of "nesting" - setting up my first home the way I like it - collecting cute little gadgets from the base thrift shop (I'm becoming a thrifting PRO!!) and cleaning like a woman who treasures her home.

Reading, journaling some, loving my husband with every bit of my heart.

The main reason I blog, however, is mainly out of some type of inspiration - and as I stated before - this town is definitely lacking in just that. :)

Today though, I decided to be different.

I'm gonna make my own inspiration.

I got the music playing - (I've switched to Brett Younker's new free worship EP - LOOK HIM UP!), still enjoying my tea, and thinking about an idea I tweeted last night...

I said, "I want to fill my heart with scripture rather than culture."

I've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights so while I was laying awake in my bed, listening to my handsome husband breathe, I was thinking about this idea.

I mentally made a list of what "culture says" regarding rules and trends in society today.

I hope I can remember them all...

Culture Says:

Marriage isn't necessary, and marriages don't last.

It's impossible to find someone who will remain faithful.

If you're having issues in your marriage, there's always an easy out.

Beauty is primarily exterior - the skinnier you are the more beautiful.

You're outward appearance is far more important than your heart.

Watch whatever you want, listen to whatever you want - you're mind and heart can't retain it all.

Money = happiness.

Spanking your children is abuse.

Abortion is not murder.

Do whatever feels good.

Submission is WEAKNESS - wives should NOT submit to their husbands, that's sexist.

Men and Women are equal in roles.

The more people you sleep with, the better.

Looking at Pornography is healthy in marriage.

Don't discipline your children - let them express themselves however they wish to and be "free."

Modesty is weird and unattractive.

In order to make it to the top, you probably have to lie.

TOLERANCE is the key to success, being liked by all.

Eat whatever you want, however you want, whenever you want - what is gluttony anyways?

Respect other's beliefs, and keep yours to yourself.

Your parents are stupid.

There are no absolutes.

What you believe is dictated in what you say, not always in how you act.

Jesus was either a fairytale or just a good man.

Overall, that's what I believe our culture screams today.

What's interesting to me though, is that scripture specifically addresses EACH of those points in one way or another... how cool is that?

So many people say "they don't know how to live or what God wants from them..." yet scripture DOES give us all we need for life and Godliness!! *soo cool*

Anyways, yes the Bible addresses each of these points and what I love is that this proves that Satan is SO good at what he does - taking everything God created and commanded, and TWISTING it to create a cheap, counterfeit aka FAKE imitation of it.

It's SO clear and SO evident when you put to the two side by side: culture vs. scripture.

In thinking about this idea, I've discovered in my own life that I've let a lot of what culture screams is "TRUTH" influence my mind, my heart, and my life.

As a self-proclaimed follower of Christ, lover of Jesus, seeker of "the way," that can NOT be the case!

At the Passion 2011 conference this past January, I had the privilege of hearing Francis Chan speak, and he spoke straight from his heart.

His main message was SO simple and yet SO necessary - he asked the question, is your life in balance?
Does what you say you believe, balance out to how you act and how you live?

I was thinking about that in my own life and realizing that no, in many places in my heart, what I SAY is truth and how I LIVE doesn't match up.

For instance, in many ways, I live in fear. Fear of man, fear of the future, fear of tangible scares, straight up fear. According to what I truly believe - that God is the God of the universe, He loves me and knows the plans He has for me, He is with me wherever I go, He's Sovereign, He has saved me - according to THOSE truths, I should NEVER be afraid.

-UNBALANCED-

I sometimes believe the lie that only exterior beauty is what matters... ignoring the condition of my heart. Therefore, I let insecurity, comparing myself, jealousy, fear, and self-hatred in and let those emotions or states of mind just sit there and camp out in my heart long enough to establish themselves there. According to what I truly believe - that God doesn't see me the way man sees me, He looks at the heart. That outward adornments (jewelery, clothes, etc) is not as beautiful as a woman with a gentle, pondering heart. That a Woman who fears the Lord is greatly to be praised, and a virtuous woman is hard to find. That I was made in the image of God... According to THOSE truths, I should never hate myself, never compare myself, never neglect my heart in the pursuit of improving my exterior.

-UNBALANCED-

Those are just a few examples of where my life is unbalanced, and where I've let culture creep into my heart a little too much.

I don't want that anymore.

I want what I believe to balance out what I live.

I want to fill my heart with scripture rather than culture...

Culture is always changing.

What's considered "wrong" one year is socially acceptable and even encouraged the next.

Sex + Money Foundation put it this way:

"What one generation allows... the next embraces."

That is so true.

If we, as followers of Jesus, want to make a difference in our generation, we need to fill our hearts with scripture rather than culture.

We need to make DISTINCTIVE lines between truth - and lies.

That's where I'm at now.

Struggling to silence the lies that Satan loves to whisper.

Wanting to clear my mind, control my thoughts, and fill my heart with TRUTH that can ONLY be found in Scripture.

::We are here for YOU::

"We welcome You with Praise, we welcome You with Praise - Almighty God of love, be welcomed in this place...

For You our hearts are open, nothing here is hidden, YOU are our one desire....

We are here for You, We are here for You."

I can't even type this without crying.

JESUS has captured my heart, once again, and as much as I in some ways hate to say it due to the fact that I'm afraid of failing - once again - I have to admit and can't do anything BUT admit that Jesus is King and has FULLY CAPTURED MY HEART in these days!!!

I'm captured by this man - this loving, almighty, jealous, man who is fully God and fully man and who has revealed Himself to me and SPOKEN directly to me and interceeded for me in these days.

I feel somewhat like Moses, who met with God on a mountaintop and His face is just beaming due to the GLORY OF GOD and I don't know exactly that my face is beaming, but I literally feel different in my heart.

The King of the UNIVERSE, who has written my name in the palm of His hand, has chosen to reveal Himself to a lowly, disgusting, filthy, perverse, hypocritical, distracted generation that I'm emersed in and chose to bless us with His POWER, PRESENCE, and TRUTH!

There is grace, strength, hope, power, life, joy, peace, love, wholeness, fullness, truth, purpose, light, direction, and MERCY in the name.

Jesus.

He's all for now.

And He's all forever.

And He's more than enough.

Isaiah 26:8

"Yes Lord, walking in the way of Your Laws, we wait for You.

For Your Name and Renown are the desires of our hearts."